


wild and fluorescent (come home to my heart)

by ev0lution



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: ALSO graphic depiction of a burn, F/M, Here's my fun re imagining of post TLJ, Pining, Slow Burn, Spoiler: everyone falls in love, Unbeta'd continue at your own risk, You know what? I don't care about canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-22 23:54:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 34,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23035807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ev0lution/pseuds/ev0lution
Summary: Rey watched him avoid her eye, watched Poe Dameron shrink, somehow. Not in a way that made him seem smaller or somehow lesser. In a way where he became a little more human; a little more attainable.---Rey takes the long way home. She learns a few things on the way. Post-TLJ.
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron/Rey
Comments: 18
Kudos: 108





	1. make you crazy over my touch

**Author's Note:**

> You know what? I blame that three second interaction at the start or TROS. You know the one.

Rey’s hands were still shaking. She pressed them together to try to stop them, but she couldn’t. Her head was spinning. Her _lungs_ hurt. She was so tired and scared and didn’t know what to do with any of it.

Rey wished they were back in the battle, so she would have something to focus on – something to _do_. But she didn’t have any of that. All Rey could do was stare out the viewport of the Falcon and stare at the stars as they passed.

Luke’s trick bought them the time to get on board and escape. It wasn’t enough to save him.

Rey should’ve never gone to him. Her learnings did not outweigh the cost. And after all that, she was fairly certain that Ren was still in her head.

Rey had felt Luke’s death through the Force. It was like a hand that had been holding hers suddenly tightened before letting go entirely. It left her breathless, doubled over in her pilot’s seat as Chewie let out a tragic roar beside her.

Rey took off her seatbelt and stood on shaking legs, going to Chewie. She wrapped her arms around him while he roared again. His hands were shaking but his fur was warm; he smelled kind of like Han.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Chewie answered in a whimper, the sound shaking his body like a sob.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

They floated aimlessly through space for days. Rey, who hadn’t had a slow or still day in her life, struggled. She spent most of her time in the cockpit, checking star charts and re-setting their navigation computers, their targets set on blank coordinates and empty spaces. Nowhere was safe for them; not even Leia could suggest a haven for them.

So, they floated. They jumped every few hours, keeping an eye on fuel and energy preserves, their comms open to every Rebel frequency there was. Only depressing, disorienting silence rang through them, prompting Rey to double check they were still scanning a few times every hour.

Eventually, Chewie finally pushed her out, gently, telling her to get some rest. She climbed into the gunner and pulled her knees up, curling her arms around them. She wasn’t waiting for sleep. She was waiting for Ren, certain her despair would be a beacon to him. That he would appear in front of her to taunt her, to offer his hand again, to make her feel _weak_. But Rey’s doubts were gone; they died along with Luke. She would never take his hand. She would never even _hesitate_ , never again. Ren was past saving and Rey was past convincing.

Ren had made a grave mistake on Crait: he’d finally taken _too much_. He took Han from her. He took Luke. He took her dream of having a family, one that loved her. He tried to take their hope, their rebellion, and he very nearly succeeded. Ren took and he took, and he took, and he took until there was very little left. He could take that too, all of it be damned – because he would _never_ have her or her _light_. She would die first.

Somehow, Rey drifted off to sleep, her body so exhausted it finally just quit on her. At least her exhaustion meant she didn’t dream.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

Finn had scarcely left Rose’s side in the days they’d been on the Falcon, hovering beside her, holding her hand and waiting for her to wake. Rey watched from the sidelines, feeling it would be inappropriate to stand with Rose without knowing her, to hover over her when Rose was in such a vulnerable state. Rey wouldn’t want that, at least. So she hovered nearby but not over her, in case Finn determined they needed something.

Two medics had survived the slaughter of the First Order; they slept in shifts, tending to the wounded. There wasn’t much they could do for Rose, Finn had told her in a low, shaky voice. They couldn’t do anything for her broken leg or ribs; the best they could do was to keep her asleep to ease the pain, spending precious sedatives to keep her comfortable.

As a result of her restlessness, Rey began tearing through the Falcon, seeking out the compartments she knew Han had shoved in wherever he could fit them. She found old ship parts and weapons parts he’d probably been smuggling, along with a lot of booze that the crew sure appreciated, and a large, fluffy pillow.

She brought the pillow to the communal space where Rose was still sleeping on the pilot relief bunk, her face scrunched up in painful sleep. But Finn’s grim face brightened when he saw it, and he wrapped an arm around Rey’s shoulders, kissing her forehead in thanks.

Rey felt some of the tension ease out of her at his touch. Finn arranged the pillow under Rose’s bad leg, frowning when she twitched in pain. But her face eventually settled and relaxed again, her breath evening out. Then he stepped back and looked at her. They both watched Rose sigh and relax deeper into the bunk.

Finn took Rey’s hand and squeezed, “Let’s go talk.”

Rey looked at him in surprise, “About what?”

“You want to talk,” Finn said, pulling her. “I can tell. Rose will be okay for a bit.”

She let him lead her out to the back, to one of the escape pods. Rebels lined the halls and slept in the smuggling compartments in the floors that Han had installed, but the two-foot hall that led to the escape pods were clear.

Finn shut the door to the hall while Rey sank to the ground, gathering her knees up in front of her again. She watched Finn settle across from her, legs crossed, his shins touching hers in the tight space. She shut her eyes and focused on the warmth leaching into her legs.

This was all too dangerous. Finn was her best friend in the whole galaxy (tied with Beebee, of course). But it was too dangerous. Han was first, then Luke. Finn would be next.

Rey knew the solution. She’d been avoiding saying it out loud.

“Rey,” Finn’s voice was low. He reached forward and took her hand, unhooking it from her knees and causing her to unravel, her knees dropping against his.

“I should’ve never gone to Ahch-To,” she said, shaking her head, eyes still closed. “It’s my fault he’s gone. And it’s my fault that Han...” Finn’s hand squeezed hers and she took a deep, shuddering breath. When she opened her eyes, tears dropped immediately down her cheeks. “He’s in my head, Finn.” 

Then she explained. She told him how he would appear whenever she felt vulnerable, like he could sense it. How he always knew what to say to tear her down. How he always knew what she needed to hear the _least_ in any given moment.

“He’s going to know about _you_ ,” she said, shaking her head and leaning it back against the wall. “Whenever he shows up again, he’s going to find out about you and he’s going to come for you next. It’s why – “

She had to cut herself off. She was getting too choked up. It was why she had to _leave_. The best thing she could do for them all was get far, far away. Best case scenario, she drew Ren away, weakening the First Order. Worst case, he didn’t target those she loved, because she was out of the picture.

“Hey, hey,” Finn said, shaking his head and swinging her hand. “He already took his shot, remember?” Finn smiled, “And it was a pretty weak one. I mean, look at me. I’m better than ever!”

Rey almost laughed. She would’ve, if she wasn’t so scared.

Finn smiled sweetly at her, “He wants you afraid. That’s the only way he can get any kind of advantage. You _destroyed_ him on Starkiller! _And_ , let’s be honest – he just got beat by a glorified holovid.”

That _did_ make Rey laugh. Finn tugged on her hand a little. “We started this together. We’ll end it together too, okay?”

Rey nodded, smiling a little. Finn got up on his knees – groaning like it was some big effort – and enveloped her in a hug, just like he did on Crait. Rey buried her face in the crook between his neck and his shoulder, breathing him in. His presence was immediately settling, like her own well of calm in the middle of the storm. She sighed against him while he rubbed her back, saying comforting things against her hair.

The _whoosh_ of the door interrupted them. Rey turned her head on Finn’s shoulder to see Poe Dameron, turning pink.

“Oh, sorry,” he said, shutting the door before either them could wave off his apology.

Rey turned her attention back to Finn, the two of them separating. She didn’t want to talk about death or fear or pain anymore. She wanted to talk about something good. “Tell me about Rose,” she said.

Finn’s face broke out into a wide smile, showing his pearly white teeth. “I can’t wait for you to meet her,” he said. “She’s so kind. And smart. And you should’ve seen her flying those shavit ships on Crait – she was amazing. Absolutely incredible.”

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

The rebels were restless. It only grew worse as the days dragged on, minutes feeling much longer without a sun to mark the passage of time. All they had were the endless stars and blackness and the occasional jump to lightspeed, rocking the ship slightly.

It was maddening for the action-hungry resistance fighters, who wandered up and down the halls, looking for jobs to do – they cleaned and recleaned weapons, reviewed drills and codes, ran up and down the halls in workouts designed to burn all their nervous energy. Poe Dameron even gathered crowds with little tricks in which he made his ring disappear and reappear; Rey wasn’t sure what drew more crowds, the tricks or Poe’s impressive ability to charm anyone who stood before her, but she had to admit – it didn’t _not_ work on her.

But Poe’s entertainment could only last so long, just like the rest of those meaningless, busy-work tasks. It wasn’t that Rey wasn’t feeling that same nervous tick – but she was doing a lot better than the others. She was used to waiting.

It was the constant thrum of _people_ that was starting to get to her. Rey, who had lived and worked alone for the better part of two decades, couldn’t handle this constant contact with others, the constant conversations asked of her, the steady trickle of people who stared because they were too intimidated to talk to her themselves. She wanted, desperately, to be _alone_. Rey started crawling into the gunner seats to be alone, trying to meditate and find her center apart from the ship, but it was hard. Even in the isolated gunners, the relentless hum of talking came up from below her, and she couldn’t shake that feeling of Ren’s breath on her neck, puffing in and out as laughter.

Otherwise, she spent her time tinkering with the Falcon, fixing what she could with what they had on board. It hadn’t sustained any damage beyond the superficial, but that didn’t mean that Rey didn’t want to fix it up as well as she could. Along with Ren, she was haunted by Han and Luke. She desperately wanted to prove to Han that she was worthy of the seat he left behind for her.

On the sixth standard day aboard the Falcon (or was it the seventh?) Rey noticed some damage to a panel just off the cockpit, in one of the relatively quieter halls of the Falcon, where it was really too narrow to be comfortable. She’d moved the flooring so she could access the whole panel, dropping down into the narrow opening she’d created.

Rey was mostly guessing at her work, picking at it and trying to find the root of the problem. Something in the panel smelled like a sweaty Crolute – she was certain wiring wasn’t supposed to smell like that. Rey was dually prepared to find some kind of hidden smuggling compartment full of rotting food, or some custom modification that Han and Chewie had come up with in a pinch, then hadn’t gone back to fix properly. Whatever it was, Rey hoped she could fix it before the smell left the panel and spread through the whole ship, which was already full of stale, recycled air.

Rey hissed, yanked her hand back when something inside sparked. She stuck her finger in her mouth, sucking on the burn and leaned back, considering the panel. Any annoyance she had at the task was prevented by the knowledge that Han was at least partly responsible for whatever goofy modification had been made. The mismatched puzzle of repairs and upgrades that made up the Falcon were all part of its charm – even when it nonsensically zapped her fingers.

“What’re you up to?”

It was Poe Dameron. Rey looked up at him as he approached, his hair shoved aside. They were all disgusting and greasy, their water rationed for drinking and not washing. Still, Poe Dameron seemed to be completely immune to dirt or grease, his curls still springy and rebellious.

In her head, she couldn’t quite drop his last name. Though he’d introduced himself as Poe, the Dameron part seemed equally important, his tie to the war heroes that raised him and set his first examples of bravery. Rey wondered what her last name would signify about her, briefly, automatically – but then Ren’s voice burst into her head and shattered her illusion for the hundredth time.

Rey tried to shake it off, looking back at the panel and focusing on answering Poe’s question. She pulled her finger from her mouth. Poe’s eyes tracked it as she pointed at the panel.

“Have you ever smelled wiring like that?”

Poe looked at her curiously before crouching down, leaning a hand on the wall for balance. Rey pressed the small of her back against the flooring, trying to give him as much room as possible. Poe yanked his head back abruptly, eyes wide, “What in the name of karking hells is _that_?”

Rey looked at him, smiling wryly, “That’s the question. It’s all hot, too – like there wasn’t any insulation on any of it.”

“No insulation?” Poe looked down in the narrow space in front of her and said, “Do you mind if I...?”

Rey shook her head, waving him in as she placed her hands behind her and lifted herself up, leaving the opening except for her legs, which she left dangling inside. Poe slipped into the opening and stuck his head back into the panel, examining what she meant. While he was safely distracted, Rey watched Poe.

She hadn’t spoken to him, not really, since he’d introduced himself. She remembered the smile he gave her, genuinely happy to meet her. But what warmed her to him the most was how others spoke of him when he wasn’t around – Finn sang his praises when she’d asked, and his name was always accompanied with a smile with others. Rey had seen him interact with his pilots, too; they’d claimed a corner near the galley, where they piled on top of one another at night, speaking lowly as they prepared to sleep, massaging each others’ hands and feet and fiddling with hair. Something about that closeness, that utter _trust_ – it made Rey’s stomach tighten with longing.

Poe pulled his head out of the panel, eyes still on the wiring inside, “Have you checked the coolant? Sometimes, when the cheaper stuff is used, it smells like death.”

“Checked it,” Rey told him, “It think it’s coming from the wiring harness. If you look, the metal is green – definitely not durasteel or copper. Something picked up in a pinch, probably.”

Poe looked, nodding along. “Yeah, that might be it. But did you consider the atom processor? It looks like this older model, used during the last rebellion, might just need replacing. I wonder if the smell is a result of a combination of the two. Here, I’ll show you what I mean...”

Rey slipped down into the space behind him and now it was Poe’s turned to press himself against the edge, trying to give her as much room as possible. Rey slid around him, peering into the panel like him. Poe’s arm snaked around her to point out the old processor and she nodded in understanding – it looked almost burnt, like it was melting down.

“Think it’s the extra heat given off from the shoddy wiring?” Rey asked.

“That’s probably it,” Poe said.

Rey reached for the old processor, securing her fingers around it and moving to _yank_ –

And then Han Solo appeared in a blaze of blue glory inside the panel, eyes wide and pissed off, shaking his finger at her, “Don’t do _that_!”

Rey started, jumping back and slamming into Poe, hitting him into the edge of the flooring. She felt his surprise rather than heard it, but Rey couldn’t tear her eyes from Han.

“ _Han_?!” His name escaped her in a breathless wave.

Poe groaned from behind her. Rey jumped forward a little, realizing she was crushing him. But she couldn’t take her eyes off Han, who flickered, then reappeared on the floor beside them, looking down on the pair of them half-sheepish, half-annoyed.

“Poe,” Rey said, “Poe. Poe, go get Leia.”

Poe had stilled behind her, clueing in that something was going on. She could see him in her peripheral, straightening slowly, looking between her and the place where Han was standing. Then he carefully lifted himself from the opening, his knee bumping her back gently. Then he stood and jogged away, zipping down to the galley.

Leia returned with him in a moment, still somehow gliding gracefully, even with her cane, even with Poe jogging to keep up beside her. She stopped in the doorway, her hand going to her mouth. Then she dropped it. Her voice would’ve been mocking, if it wasn’t half-choked.

“That’s _not_ how the Force works.”

Han’s hands twitched, like he wanted to get closer.

Rey pulled herself carefully from the opening, eyes on the scene before her. When she stood, she bumped back into Poe’s chest. Ripping her eyes from the two before her, she turned to Poe, grabbing his sleeve and tugging him with her.

“Rey,” Poe said quietly, looking between Leia and the space where Han was standing. “What’s – “

“Shh,” she hushed him gently, looking back at Han and Leia, who were still staring at like they’d never seen each other before. “I’ll tell you in the hall.”

And that was how Rey learned that Force ghosts existed.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

The nights on Jakku were always better than the days. Not many sentients dared to venture far from the Outpost at night; Rey was one of the vicious scavengers locals warned about. Others knew better than to wander into her AT-AT, from experience and stories passed over the Outpost’s sole water pump.

It meant that, at night, she was safe. She didn’t have to watch her back as much, and it was cool enough to go outside and lie across the top of the AT-AT. She would lie back on the cool metal and watch the stars and the binary moons, usually while she patched up one wound or another. She was impressed by the stars every night; by the wealth of them, the way they speckled the sky so furiously, the way they shone no matter what.

Now she realized how naïve that Rey had been. Jakku’s skies had nothing on the view out the cockpit of the Falcon, where the stars stretched on forever. But she still tried not to judge her younger self too much. She taught her how to find joy anywhere she could.

Rey devoured any maps she could get her hands on, studying the outline of their galaxy, separated into systems and zones, each one filled with its own endless collection of stars. The Falcon’s computers were full of star maps, detailing systems she’d never even heard of before, painting out the Falcon’s colourful past in little streams of light and swirls.

She was on radio duty, monitoring different encrypted Resistance channels. It was quiet, important work, and Rey had to actually do very little, just listen. It gave her the chance to examine the maps, which had the double purpose of entertaining her and distracting her from the silence that rung out through the cockpit, a little too like the silence of the desert.

Most Resistance cells had gone dark after what happened at Crait, leaving the Falcon’s echoing cries for help to ring out alone, over and over again. She wondered how many Resistance fighters were left reeling and lost after the attack – how many fighters on missions and undercover hadn’t gotten the message from the Resistance, and only heard the First Order’s propaganda? _That_ rung out over and over again on all unsecured channels: _The Resistance is dead. The First Order reigns._ Rey far preferred the empty silence over that.

Still, it was a depressing job. But it was a _job_. Anything to keep Rey distracted from the helplessness of their position.

Rey swiped the maps closed and leaned back in her chair, thinking about Han. If Han was out there... did that mean Luke was, too?

She sat up in her chair, maneuvering herself to cross her legs in her chair. Setting her hands on her knees, she shut her eyes. Like Luke taught her, she reached out with her mind, breathing slowly.

The energy was mostly – confusing. There was so much anxiety on the ship, so much energy being reworked into fear and worry. Beneath it all – there was a voice. Rey felt her mind trip on it, like she’d been walking slowly through a stream only to hit a rock. She imagined herself crouching in the stream, reaching deliberately for the voice. She willed it to make noise, to be louder. It sounded – sounded like it was –

“Rogue One to Millennium Falcon,” Rey’s eyes popped open as she realized she was making the same mistake as before, when Luke had smacked her with a branch. It wasn’t the Force calling her after all; it was the radio. And she knew that callsign.

Rey snatched up the radio, nearly tipping from her chair in her haste to respond. “Millennium Falcon to Rogue One. We hear you, Rogue One.”

“Requesting to speak with General Organa.” It was a man’s voice, crisp but pleasant enough. He had an accent; one, in Rey’s limited knowledge of the galaxy, she couldn’t place.

Rey was out of her seat before the man on the other end was able to finish, dashing to open the door. She was lucky; Leia was mere feet away, in the communal area.

“This is Leia Organa,” Leia replied in the radio a moment later, settling into the Captain’s seat. Rey watched, standing, with wide eyes. Hope flickered in her belly.

“Leia,” the man’s voice was warm, “We have a gift for you. We’re sending some coordinates to you now.”

At Leia’s look, Rey darted to the computer to receive them, logging them into the star map system. She and Leia watched while the map narrowed into the Cademimu Sector of the Outer Rim, to a small moon for a planet called Ajan.

“What are we looking at, Cassian?” Leia asked.

“Home.” It was a woman’s voice, happy with an edge of defiance. Rey pictured her with a lifted, determined chin. “At least for now.”

“There’s an old base,” a new man’s voice, slightly shaky, different accent. “Hidden at those coordinates, on the light side of the planet. It belonged to Guardians of Whills.”

Leia’s eyes were taking on that determined darkness she wore back on Crait. Rey felt her energy change; her hope remained, but it became more purposeful, more deliberate. Rey wondered if this was how she felt at Endor. No wonder she’d been the beacon of rebellion for so long. There wasn’t a part of her that wasn’t certain.

Leia watched the map. “And how did you come across this information?”

“Some blue friends told us,” the woman’s voice chimed in.

Leia watched the map more intently. Her hope was spinning like a whirlwind around her. Rey felt herself smile. Leia asked, “And it’s secure?”

“They wouldn’t lead us wrongly, Leia,” the first man, Cassian, said. The conviction in his voice – Rey believed him too.

Leia stood straighter, “When will we see you there?”

“Not sure,” Cassian replied, “We have a few things to see to, before we come.”

The woman’s voice was cheery in a vicious kind of way, “Those weapons depots on Kashyyyk and Ord Mantell aren’t going to bomb themselves.”

“You have what you need most, Leia,” the shaky voice said, sounding even surer than the other two. “Your calls didn’t fall on deaf ears. There’s more than you know out there.”

“Rebellions are built on hope,” Cassian said. “We’ll be in touch. Rogue One, signing off.”

The silence rung through the cockpit. Rey looked to Leia, who was still looking at the directions.

“You don’t trust them?” Rey asked. Leia finally looked at her, shaking her head.

“No, they’re old friends. I’d trust them with my life. It’s just… well, I supposed it’s the Force. This is not the first interaction I’ve had with Ajan Kloss.” Leia reached up and squeezed her shoulder. “Set the course. I’ll get Chewie and give the others the good news.”

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

The course was set immediately, and they arrived within a few hours. The energy on the ship changed along with Leia’s; the anxiety disappeared in the face of a promise of a purpose, of a restart. Rebels buzzed around smiling, preparing weapons and their packs, gathering in the common areas for orders.

Teams were assembled for exploring the grounds and the temple, hidden in the forest. The Falcon had schematics of the planet already. Rey wondered if it had to do with Leia’s previous brush with the planet, which the general alluded to earlier.

Rey was put under Poe’s command with Finn and one of his pilots, an energetic brunette named Jessika. She had a high, sleek ponytail and a grin that was two-parts trouble.

“Call me Jess,” she said, strapping her holster to her thigh. Rey gave her a smile.

The moment they landed, the Resistance burst out of the Falcon, all desperate for clean air and space. They weren’t disappointed; Ajan Kloss’s air was cool and smelled of rain. It felt like breathing clear air after nothing but pollution for years. Instantly, her head felt lighter, her senses a little clearer.

Poe’s team was assigned to check the west quadrant of the temple. They had a map sent to Poe’s commlink on his wrist, which included a layout of the temple itself. He expanded it for them all to see and gave his orders.

“We’ll go down this front hall. I’ll lead, Jess is sweep. The Falcon’s scans say there aren’t any lifeforms aside from native wildlife, but we can’t relax too much. Leia wants every caution exercised.” He closed the map, looking up at them. “Stick close, all of you. Blasters at the ready.” He took his spare from his holster and handed it over to Finn, who didn’t have his own weapon. Rey glanced at him and knew that, while he was glad to be off the Falcon, his head was back with Rose. Poe continued, “We rendezvous with Team Four in the temple.”

Poe led the way, blaster in his hand as they approached the west side of the temple. There was a small opening that would only be visible once they were on foot, half-hidden behind some trees according to instructions sent by Rogue One. As they got closer, Rey spotted it, just as their allies had said.

Poe approached it first, brushing the branches aside with his blaster raised. “Clear,” he said, waiting for Rey to take hold of the branch before he stepped inside.

It was dark and even cooler than it was on the outside. Rey almost shivered.

Finn followed her, then Jess, who let the branch fall back over the opening. Finn and Poe pulled out torches, lighting them. Finn said, “It feels empty.”

At that, they all looked to Rey. She put her blaster in its holster and shut her eyes, reaching out with her mind, gently probing.

The temple was large – she could feel its halls winding up and down, detailing room after room. They were all silent and still, not a heartbeat in any of them. The closest life forms were on the edges of the temple, and they were all familiar – their energies matched those she’d been surrounded by for weeks. Other Resistance fights.

Rey opened her eyes slowly, shaking her head. “We’re the only ones here. The temple,” she thought about the gentle energy of the temple, buzzing around her awareness. “It feels like it’s... welcoming us.”

That was what it was – she could feel the positive waves flowing off the temple like sunbeams, warming them. Just like what Rogue One said – it was welcoming them home.

Still, they continued carefully. Rey tried to mimic Poe’s way of walking – his back sliding just above the wall, peering around corners carefully and strategically. It was a powerful way of moving, with purpose. Not like the tiptoe-lightness that came to Rey naturally. She was reminded of their differences – he’d grown up preparing for war, hearing stories of the last Rebellion, born to _heroes_. He was born for this. She was just a scavenger who had learned too well how to catch herself when she fell, who was just pretending she knew what she was doing and that she _meant_ to do it.

Finally, they ran into another team, who confirmed their quadrant was clear. The all-clear came in from the other teams assigned to the temple, as well as those in the woods. Rey felt a knot loosen in her, just a bit. Safety. At least for now.

Then it was time to work. Leia assigned some teams to organizing rooms, others to stripping the Falcon of what resources they could use. At the latter order, Han appeared, watching grumpily over their shoulders. People still took sparingly; Chewie’s presence was enough to deter people from taking anything more than the bare minimum.

There were enough rooms for everyone to have their own, but some still elected to share. Rey was not one of them. The west wing that they’d searched held what used to be a medical center, so Rey and the rest of her team were assigned to getting that up and running, finding a couple of abandoned cots to load their worst-off onto.

Rey was elected to talk Chewie into letting them take the cots from the beds on the Falcon, including the one that used to belong to Han and Leia.

“Chewie,” Rey said, reaching forward and taking his arm. “You know he wouldn’t mind.”

Chewie grumbled and she smiled.

“Alright,” she said, nodding, “You’re right, he would mind. But he would only complain a _little_ , and mostly to annoy Leia, probably.”

Afterwards, Rey went to help with the mess, then to her room. She stopped in the doorway to take it in: a narrow room with a wide stone bench – someone had put a blanket on it, leaving behind a tuft of brown fur that made Rey smile – and a window that didn’t have glass spreading the entirety of the back wall. There was a long ledge in front of it, wide enough to sit on.

She walked in, running her fingers over the blanket. Dropping her bag with her meager belongings – her blaster, an extra outfit, a couple extra hair ties – on the stone bench, she stepped to the window, curling up on the ledge. Her room was on the inside of the temple, but it looked out to a courtyard that was overgrown with bushes and vines and trees. She was amazed by how lush and beautiful it all was. Rey was certain that she’d never get tired of trees – they were so _beautiful_. After the war – _if_ there was an after – she wanted to find somewhere full of trees, somewhere like this. Somewhere she could settle that was lush and warm and had lots and lots of rain and plants and _life_.

Just barely, she could see through to the other side of the courtyard, where another row of rooms was. They’d claimed all the rooms surrounding this courtyard for dorms, as well as the rooms on the outside of the square. Leia was in a larger room to the right of her. Rey strained to see, but the foliage was too thick to see anything except for the rooms straight across from her.

“Enjoying the view?”

Rey turned and smiled at Finn, his knuckles posed on the door, as if to knock. She remembered what she’d said on Takodana, about its endless, beautiful green.

“It’s beautiful,” she said, smiling. Finn walked over to join her by the window, taking in the view. He leaned against a pillar that cut the window down halfway through.

“Not to mention this _room_ ,” Finn said, with a voice that made her raise her eyebrows. He said, with exaggerated enthusiasm, “The Resistance’s finest – for the Resistance’s finest.” Rey laughed as he continued, picking up her poncho and rolling it up into a ball.

“We only have the _softest_ pillows, made from the most _expensive_ Naboo silks,” he said, making her laugh against her hand. Finn continued, knocking his fingers on the stone bench, “And the mattress is stuffed with only the _fluffiest_ Porg feathers.” At Rey’s round mouth, he said, “Taken only by willing donation, of course.”

Rey snorted, shoving Finn’s shoulder as he came close, smiling and laughing along with her.

She slipped her shoes off, extending her legs in front of her. The sun was setting. It was starting to cool down in the temple, moving the air from comfortably warm to just the wrong side of chilly. Still, she preferred the cool to the heat; after the stuffiness of the Falcon, it felt wonderfully clear.

Finn had ditched his coat in his room. When he turned to join her on the windowsill, leaning against the pillar, she could see the scars peeking out from the shoulders of his shirt. They made her suck in a breath, biting her lip and looking away quickly.

The Resistance had him in bacta for days, but the scars were still rippled and pulled up from his skin, like little raised mountains on his back. They were darker than his natural tone, too, nearly black, and they stretched across the width of his whole back.

If Rey shut her eyes, she could still see him, still in the snow. She’d thought he was dead. She remembered the ice-cold terror as it hit her that Finn was dead. She was alone again and Kylo Ren had killed someone so _good_ that she could’ve sworn she heard the stars scream when he fell. That terror was followed closely by white-hot anger; it was anger that she’d felt before, anger than she had quietly nursed and cared for late at night on Jakku, when all she could think of was her parents, who had left her, and Plutt, who had starved her, and every piece of _shavit_ on Jakku that had thought they could take advantage of her, a girl alone –

On Starkiller Base, all that anger had erupted like a flare. She only saw Ren in flashes. In between, she saw Plutt and other scavengers falling back again and again under her blows.

Neck-deep in that anger, she’d never felt more powerful. It terrified her.

Finn turned to her, calling her attention back to the present. “Where’d you go?” He asked. He looked at her a bit oddly, the same look he’d given her when she’d lied to him about why she wanted her own room.

(She’d said she wanted the space, which was only half-true. She was terrified of waking to see Ren staring at her again, what she might do. She thought of the blaster hole in her hut on Ahch-To; of the Lanai scrambling, fearfully, away.)

“Where’d you go?” Finn asked her again. Rey tried to smile but she wasn’t sure she managed it.

“What do you mean?”

Finn’s look told her he didn’t buy it one bit. But it was harder to tell him than it was to swallow it back down, throwing it in the dark AT-AT she kept in the back of her mind.

Back on Jakku, whenever her feelings became too much to bear alone, she would scream them in her AT-AT, let the words rumble around the metal until she didn’t feel so alone anymore.

Finn gave her a look, but he didn’t push her. She was grateful.

Finn sat back on the sill, looking out into the courtyard. She could tell her was a little upset she wasn’t talking, but she didn’t know how to remedy it. Not without making him hate her, or worse – fear her.

Rey shifted on the sill, so she was no longer facing Finn, turning to the courtyard. Lights were turning on in the rooms across from her, flickering a warm orange glow out into the courtyard. She could see the occupants of the rooms across; two women talking, pointing in their room, apparently organizing things; one room had an orange flight suit slung over the window, airing it out in the night. Rey realized it must’ve been the pilots across from her, since they all claimed a link of connected rooms.

Rey began scanning the rooms, not knowing what she was looking for, until she found it. Black Squadron was gathered together on their own windowsill, directly across from her, all piled on top of each other. Their feet and heads were in each other’s laps, draped across one another. Poe, seated in the middle of it all, caught her eye. He was already smiling when she saw him, but it seemed to widen, and he lifted his hand in greeting.

Rey raised her hand in return, a bit more shyly. Poe’s complete and utter ease with people made her feel all the more self-conscious, hyperaware of her own awkwardness, of her bruised and weak social skills.

Finn reached over and squeezed her foot, “I’m going to go to bed. You good?”

Rey nodded, giving him a smile. “Good night and – sorry.”

Finn smiled and shook his head, “Nothing to be sorry for, Rey.” He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. She felt herself relax and watched him leave. Once Finn shut the door, Rey looked back outside, over at the pilots. Poe’s head was still turned in her direction, but someone tugged on him, and his attention was diverted.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

“Good morning, Rey.” Kaydel looked incredibly put together for so early in the morning. Rey didn’t know if Kaydel ever _didn’t_ look incredibly put together – even in their breathless escape from Crait, even in the ‘fresher-deprived days that followed, Kaydel never had a hair out of place.

It made Rey somewhat self-conscious. She only had two outfits total, both stained and mended over and over again, and her hair was hanging behind her, tangled and knotted and dipping past her ribs.

“General Organa was hoping to see you this morning,” Kaydel told her. She’d knocked soon after dawn to give her request. Rey had already been up; waking early had been a necessity of scavenging, and she wasn’t about to break a lifelong habit because of a week of uncertainty.

“Of course,” Rey said, stuffing her feet in her shoes hurriedly. Kaydel led the way down the hall while Rey nearly had to jog at to keep up, despite the inches Rey had on the other woman. Her wrist wraps fluttered behind her as she rushed to secure them. They weaved through halls that Rey tried to commit to memory, left and right and left away, away from the large, open areas that had already been declared the mess and their future hangar. Rey tugged her hair up once she had her wrist-wraps figured out, getting only the top bun finished before they reached a door covered in vines with pretty pink flowers.

Kaydel knocked, though it seemed to be more of a formality, since she opened it while her knuckles were still on the door. She held the door open and stepped aside, allowing Rey to pass.

“Thank you, Captain Dameron,” Leia’s voice drifted from in the room, coming out from behind another wealth of vines and flowers that trailed along the wall. As Rey walked into the room, dropping her hands from where she’d been tying her first bun, she spotted Leia standing at her window, hands folded. In front of her was Poe; he bowed his head to Leia and turned to leave.

Rey smiled and Poe returned it immediately. She liked the way his smile always lit up his whole face, making lines beside his eyes.

“Morning,” he said, lowly to her.

“Good morning,” Rey whispered back, unsure why she was keeping it so quiet.

Then he passed her, on his way to finished whatever job Leia had given him. Rey glanced back and saw Kaydel wave at her before closing the door.

“Rey,” Leia always said her name so warmly. Rey smiled at her. Leia held out her hands and Rey went to take them, letting Leia squeeze her hands. “You slept well?”

Rey nodded. She’d drifted off on the windowsill and had stayed there all night, breathing in the cool, rainy air from outside. She planned on sleeping there again. “It’s,” Rey thought for a moment, wondering what it was about this place that made her feel so _comfortable_. “Peaceful,” she finally settled on.

That’s what it was, too. Crait was all fragile, glass-like anxiety; Ahch-To was too full of Luke’s turmoil, light and dark roiling beneath the surface; Starkiller Base was all anger; even Takodana had been a little too flashy and loud. Ajan Kloss was settled, quiet and calm.

“I feel it too,” Leia said, looking out the window again. Rey approached her and looked in the same direction, finding a view out into the forest. Flowers and green exploded everywhere; darting across the grass was a little creature that reminded Rey of the little animals on Crait, but this one, instead of twinkling crystal, was soft green and splashed with pink, like it was growing its own flowers. “I would never doubt Rogue One,” Leia continued, “But I was even more certain once we landed.”

Rey nodded, twisting at the fabric of her shirt. She could see some rebels moving towards the woods, weapons holstered. They were armed instead with datapads and empty bags, slung over their shoulders. Poe was at their head, she realized. They held their datapads up, scanning the plants in front of them. Rey watched as they entered the treeline. One of their party – one of Poe’s pilots, Rey thought his name was Snap – pointed at a leafy bush, which another person took a leaf from, putting it in their bag.

They were looking for food, of course. They’d need to eat and the Falcon’s rations wouldn’t last them much longer.

“I wanted to speak with you for a specific reason,” Leia told her, drawing her attention back. “I know that Luke agreed to teach you – perhaps too late.” Leia’s voice was half-bitter, half-fond. “And I wanted to offer to continue that training.”

Rey snapped to her attention, her heart lifting hopefully.

Leia spoke quickly. Rey would think she was almost nervous, if she wasn’t Leia Organa. “I have the appropriate training. _I_ was Luke’s first padawan. However, I would not say that my role was very,” she grappled for a word. “ _Traditional_. And your role with me would be the same. I will not make the mistakes of my predecessors.” She looked at Rey, offering her a small smile. “If you’ll have me.”

“Of course,” Rey blurted, stepping towards her. Aware of her eagerness, she bit her lit and grasped her hands, saying a bit more formally, “I would be honored, I mean.”

Leia smiled, then. It was as bright as the sun on Jakku. “The honor would be mine, Rey. You’ve already proven yourself time and again. I’m excited to learn from _you_ in this process as well.”

Rey couldn’t help it. She leapt forward, hugging Leia tightly. Leia laughed, holding her.

“We’ll start tomorrow at dawn,” Leia said, pulling back to look her in the face, “Come here and we’ll meditate. Then we’ll work on setting up a course for you.”

Rey nodded quickly, stepping back and twisting her hands together. She bowed, and said, “Thank you, Master Leia.”

Leia wrinkled her brow. “That will be our first change, I think. I prefer General.”

Rey’s smile cracked out in full force; she was unable to stop herself. Leia returned her smile easily.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

Rey liked to climb. She liked the kind of thinking required, using creativity that she hardly got to use for anything other than violence. She had to imagine her route as she went, mapping it out in her mind. She liked the abstract thinking and she liked the strain it put on her muscles. For all Jakku’s faults, she sometimes missed the way her muscles were sore and tired at the end of the day, a physical marker of the hard work she’d put in.

There was still a part of her that sometimes felt a strange grudge against the Force – that she’d lived and fought through so _much_ on Jakku, only to find out that she’d had magic inside her all along, magic that could’ve _helped_ her. She liked to work hard because she liked to know that if the Force was stolen away, somehow, she’d still have _herself_.

Rey liked to climb because it gave her something to focus on. Something that wasn’t the deaths of Han or Luke or half the Resistance; something that wasn’t the sound of Ren’s voice still echoing in her head, calling her _nothing_ and _nobody_ and _worthless_.

The south wall of the temple, where the sun spent most of its time, was slightly slanted backwards, and its stone wall gave a lot of good opportunities for handholds and little cracks and ledges where she could shove her toes.

Giving her right hand a break, she let her body sag away from the wall slightly, looking over her shoulder at the forest as she flexed her sore fingers. She was above the treeline; she could see the way it stretched on and on and on, with flocks of birds some had named after the whisper birds of Yavin IV, due to their silent way of flying. She could see a few of the funny little four-legged animals too, who used their arms and legs interchangeably to swing through the trees, their fur vibrant, happy green and orange. Their datapads had called that specific species Hooligoons, but many rebels had taken to calling them hooligans fondly, for their friendly but mischievous nature.

She swung back against the temple wall, reaching above her head for another handhold. Finding one and grasping it despite its awkward shape, she continued moving up, fitting her foot in the next place without looking, carefully making sure to stand straight up before shifting her arms again, trying to avoid spending her arm strength too quickly.

Beneath her hands, the temple began to rumble like the Falcon did when it was preparing to jump. She paused, turning away from the wall again to see a couple of larger ships coming in for landing in a nearby clearing. She could see rebels standing and waiting there, holding weapons out, but loosely. The ships must be expected.

A few ships had come in the last couple days – more rebels, enlisting after the Battle of Crait, vetted by Rogue One. Rebels who had been on missions at the time of their escape from Ren and the others, only now catching up to them. New recruits vetted by their friends on the radio, escaped from an imperial prison that had been razed on the other side of the galaxy.

They brought supplies with them, too – rations and water filters and blankets. The most basic things they lacked. It was good timing; more and more rebels had been hovering around the Falcon, and Chewie had taken to polishing his bow at the entrance. The last thing they needed was to start shooting each other over _toilet paper_.

It wasn’t any kind of ground-breaking progress; it was nothing compared to what they’d lost. Leia’s speeches about hope went a long way, but not even her words could distract them all from the First Order breathing down their necks. Not with Ren and his cronies a hair’s breadth behind them.

Rey paused, shutting her eyes. Sometimes she still thought she felt his eyes on her, making every hair on her body stand on end, freezing her to her core. But she hadn’t seen him since Crait. Some part of her – she suspected it was the Force-sensitive part, the part that whispered truths she didn’t always understand – told her that it was Luke’s last gift. When he’d saved the Resistance, he’d saved her a little bit more.

But she didn’t want to think about Ren or the First Order or – or _any_ of it. Grasping for something else, anything else to distract her, a thought suddenly popped into her head.

It was a memory, when she’d left the Falcon that morning and had run into Black Squadron. Beebee-Ate had beeped excited circles around her, begging for a scratch. When she’d laughed and complied, Poe had appeared, curls wet from a wash, shirtsleeves pushed up to his elbows. His hair was a little wilder than she was used to, springing about in every which way across his forehead. She wondered how the curls always kept their shape, even after being pressed down in his helmet. She wondered if she’d tugged on them, if they’d jump immediately back into place.

Raising her hand, she pulled herself further upwards.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

Meditation was like taking a bath after gathering years of grime and sweat and dirt, washing it all away. Luke was a great teacher who had a lot of experience, but Rey found it a lot easier with Leia, who only sometimes spoke in confusing metaphors, and never once hit her with a branch.

Leia had several meetings every morning. She would join Rey in meditation for half an hour until the chaos began, leaving Rey to float above the windowsill as she delved deeper into herself. She sorted her interlaced feelings carefully, making sense of the different emotions that twisted around inside her: there was the peace from meditating. The soreness of her muscles from climbing and sleeping on stone. Leftover licks of laughter from Finn this morning, whining about being assigned to the early foraging shift, leaning heavily on her shoulder with his eyes barely open.

Underneath all that – anger. Anger that sometimes still scared her, the way it wrapped a clawed hand around her neck and _squeezed_ until she was dizzy with it.

“Anger is healthy,” Leia told her when Rey had shared it. “Especially after all the loss you’ve suffered. You should never outright reject anger – that was the biggest mistake of our predecessors. Pretending we don’t have anger, stuffing it deeply into ourselves, is just as dangerous as relying on it in the way of the Sith.”

Leia had smiled at her, squeezed her hand. “I’m angry, too. I often have been. I always will be, about some things – what happened to Padme Amidala, a celebrated senator and my biological mother. About my parents, Breha and Bail Organa, who governed in the name of peace. About Alderaan and all the people who died there. I show my anger love and I _use_ it; I channel it into healthier things – my own training as a Jedi, my work here with the Resistance. That anger is part of me. I can’t reject it.”

That lesson had been the most important one yet. Rey could be angry. It didn’t mean she was evil. She cradled Leia’s words close to her heart, like a shield against anything Ren could say to her.

As she meditated, she looked at her anger. She watched it, accepted it, embraced it. Of course, she was angry. That was all part of the balance.

On some level, she was still aware of the happenings of Leia’s room. It served as her office as well as her quarters, and her constant stream of meetings would filter in and out of Rey’s consciousness. She had standing meetings with different Commanders and Captains – Poe always came in near the end of Rey’s hour, speaking in low tones to Leia about whatever assignment he’d been given. She recognized his voice by the warmth of it, his tone always hushed and easy to notice and set aside, like the underlying hum of a ship engine.

But this morning there were words that caught in her mind, causing her to gently open her eyes.

“The callsign is _Holdo’s Revenge_ ,” Poe was reporting, standing with his hands clasped behind his back. He seemed to move up and down, but Rey knew that was only an affect of her own floating, softly dipping up and down. “They’re requesting we go up to meet them. If you let me take the Falcon, I can go up with Snap and Jess to vet them.”

“Why can’t they come down here?” Leia asked. Rey let her eyes drift shut again, but didn’t let her consciousness shift, remaining focused on the conversation.

“ _Holdo’s Revenge_ is a Star Cruiser, the size of the _Dauntless_. Landing is impossible.” Poe said, “There’s something else – the man on the radio, he requested you specifically. He said you belonged up there, in the clouds.”

Leia paused and Rey felt her energy shift. It was from suspicious to something cooler, like relief. Rey’s guess was confirmed when Leia said, “I don’t know what I did to deserve such incredible friends, Poe, but I am grateful for them.” She continued, “Ask Chewie to go with you. Take the Falcon. Take Rey, and Finn as well as all Black Squadron. No need for caution.”

Poe hesitated, “You’re sure, General?”

She shared his caution. Reaching out – past the buzz of the base, the serenity of the forest – Rey brushed her consciousness forwards. Above the gently swaying treetops, into the open air, full of those whispering birds. Then higher, into the atmosphere, where the wind was almost violent, and the sun filled her like hot tea. Then Rey felt up into the stars, who hummed to themselves, singing the songs of the universe.

There was a cruiser with people – lots of people, Rey could feel each of their heartbeats. She couldn’t feel any ill-will, or anything, really, except a strong desire to _help_.

“Positive,” Leia said. Rey felt her shift, turning to face her. “Rey? Did you hear me?”

Rey opened her eyes, breathing out low and smooth as she drew her awareness back into herself. She nodded, unfolding her legs and lowering herself to the floor, feeling that strange certainty that came with readopting gravity. Her legs felt a little weak, trying to get their bearings after not being needed.

“Excellent,” Leia said, “Would you please ask Chewie to get the Falcon ready? And Poe, could you get the others?”

Rey nodded at her, glancing at Poe, who was doing the same.

“Thank you,” Leia said, dismissing them. They left her quarters together, heading out into the hall.

“Meet at the Falcon in ten?” Rey asked. Poe nodded, glancing back.

“You sure it’s going to be okay up there?”

She could feel his caution and anxiety crawling around his heart. Rey nodded, “I can feel it.” She smiled, trying for teasing, “I’ll bring my lightsaber, if it makes you feel better.”

Poe smirked, “I always feel good about my chances when you’ve got that thing on your belt.”

Rey laughed and Poe’s smile grew. “See you in ten,” he said.

Rey went to their makeshift hangar – it was little more than a wide room in the temple to store their droids and equipment, and a long, flat clearing – and found Chewie, making the necessary arrangements. Poe met her with his squadron and Finn as promised.

Chewie took the captain’s chair, Rey as co-pilot. Finn sat behind her and Poe behind Chewie, the rest of Black Squadron in the back. It was a move that clearly made Chewie nervous, as he kept tossing threats over his shoulders for anyone who _touched_ anything.

Rey thought Poe had gotten his fill of the legendary ship during their weeks stranded on it; she recalled his constant poking and prodding of the ship, the endless questions he had for Chewie, who he’d followed around for hours until Chewie had locked him in one of the escape pods.

It was funny, because those hours had endeared her to the captain just as much as Finn’s praise of him. His squadron had found him in the pod and decided to leave him there for a bit, teasing him through the door. Laughs were hard to come by as the days stretched on, and Poe didn’t seem to mind being the butt of the joke, even as he played up his outrage and threats. She could feel his pleasure at his crew’s happiness, however; she could see why his squadron followed him so loyally.

His curiosity for the ship, too, had made her like him just a bit more. It was a test she found herself using on rebels around her – how did they treat the Falcon? With the respect and reverence it _deserved_? Or did they completely miss its importance, its history?

Poe hadn’t run out of questions about the Falcon, and Chewie’s locking him away hadn’t seemed to deter him at all. Leaning as far forward as his seatbelt would allow, he appeared almost over Rey’s shoulder, pointing at the dashboard.

“Is that a customized control panel?” His finger was in her space and Rey swatted at it, but he dodged easily. “And what is the light code of the different sequences? I noticed you changed it from Standard – is it an old Corellian version or was it customised to prevent theft?”

Chewie roared, making Rey laugh.

“What’d he say?” Poe asked, almost accusingly. Rey swatted him away again, ignoring him.

“Thrusters going up,” Rey said, laughter still in her voice as she flicked the appropriate overhead switches. Chewie responded in kind, lifting the landing gears and shifting them around as they hovered.

“I was wondering about the landing gears, too. They’re different from the factory standard, and all different from each other – I’m assuming they were changed on the fly, anytime the ol’ girl ran into trouble? _Also_ , I’ve counted at least ten customized smuggling compartments, and – “

Chewie called him a rude name. Rey laughed again.

“You’re making this more difficult than it needs to be,” she warned him, trying to focus.

“Yeah, I usually do,” Poe said. Finn snorted. “About those compartments – “

Rey bent over and worked her shoe off her foot. She turned to fling it at him. Poe caught it against his chest, shocked. Chewie roared in approval, sparing a hand from the controls to muse her hair, while Finn laughed, bright and loud.

The flight was a short one, taking them just beyond the moon’s atmosphere to where the gigantic cruiser was waiting. Once they received permission to board, they landed the Falcon in an expansive docking bay that was full of other ships. Poe gasped audibly; Rey didn’t blame him. There was barely room for the Falcon amongst the tight rows of X-Wings, painted slightly differently, but X-Wings all the same.

They landed as quickly as they could, Black Squadron practically bouncing with excitement. A small party was waiting to greet them; Rey saw the man at the helm, with a thick mustache and a golden cape, and stopped short. Her jaw dropped.

“Hello,” he said warmly, holding out his hand. Chewie ignored it and wrapped his arms around him, lifting him fully off the ground, roaring in joy. “Hey there, you big ol’ carpet!”

When they separated, his hair was a mess, and he was smiling even wider, “I’m – “

“Lando Calrissian,” Finn said, stepping forward to shake his hand immediately, “It’s truly an _honor_ , sir – “

Rey bounced up beside him, “I can’t believe you defied _Darth Vader_ , and right under his own _nose_ – “

Poe was beside her, “General Organa’s told us all about you, sir, including how you flew the Falcon during the Battle of Ender – “

“Alright, alright, kids,” Lando said, holding out his hands like it was all too much. But he had a twinkle in his eye that endeared Rey to him more. He was flattered.

“Where did you get all this?” Poe asked, staring lovingly at the X-Wings.

“Let’s say that I’ve some got friends in low places,” Lando said. “And that invoking the name of the Hutt-Slayer gets you pretty far.”

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

Rey flinched as more sparks flew out, dodging the worst of them as she tried to ignore Han’s swearing behind her.

“I _told_ you not to do that,” Han was starting up again, pacing behind her. Rey had sat with her back to him on purpose. His nagging wasn’t anywhere near _helpful_.

She was perched on the top of the Falcon, trying to fix the Schyler Valve which had been shot to bits back on Crait. For some reason, known only to the engineers of the Corellian freighter, the Schyler Valve controlled two things: it was the backup for the pressure control in the back cabins, and it was the control for every lock on the ship. The main control of the pressure was fine, so that wasn’t an issue. But, until she fixed it, there were no locks on any doors of the Falcon.

The problem was that Schyler Valves were only manufactured on Corellia, and only up until about twenty standard years ago. She would have better luck trying to fix the one they had.

“Well, what do you _suggest_?” Rey snapped back, looking over her shoulder at him.

“Not getting _hit_ ,” Han replied unhelpfully. Rey rolled her eyes and returned to the mess of metal in front of her. She poked something else experimentally and yanked her hand back when it sparked too. Behind her, Han swore. Not for her sake – for the ship’s.

A voice, coming from over the edge of the Falcon, called up. “Is everything, um – okay up there?”

Rey pushed herself away from the panelling, getting to her feet to look over the edge, “Yes, it’s – “She stopped when she saw who it was, her eyebrows popping up on her head. “You’re _Rose Tico_.”

Rose was leaned on a crutch and still had bandages around her leg and opposite arm. Beneath her eyes were heavy bags; she still had a nasty bruise on her chin – but she was standing there, looking up at Rey with wide eyes.

“You’re _Rey_ ,” she responded, looking awestruck.

Rey slid off the Falcon gracefully, landing in front of her. Her voice was high and fast, “Finn told me all about how you infiltrated Canto Bight and negotiated with the codebreaker to take down the First Order’s tracking systems!”

Rose responded just as excitedly, “And you fought _Kylo Ren_ with a _lightsaber_ with _no experience_!”

“You infiltrated Snoke’s _flagship_ ,” Rey continued, practically bouncing.

“You did the same thing!”

“Not on _purpose_ – “ Rey stopped, smiling wide at Rose as they both stared at each other in wonder. “Finn told me a lot about you,” Rey finally said, which made Rose _blush_ , of all things. Rey’s interest piqued. She squinted her eyes a little, smiling even wider.

Finn had been visiting her in medical every single day, usually more than once. Rey had thought about going with him, but she thought – well, if it had been her, she wouldn’t have been comfortable with strangers appearing to watch her sleep. But Finn’s devotion had taken on a specific light even back on the Falcon, and Rose’s reaction suggested reciprocity.

“Does Finn know you’re up?” Rey asked, pointing at her crutch. Rose nodded.

“He just left, he had to go to physio,” Rose explained. Rey nodded, knowing the med droids had cornered Finn into agreeing on some physical therapy, since he’d skipped out on everything they’d planned for him when he woke up back on D’Qar.

She looked at the woman in front of her – _Rose Tico, Hero of the Resistance_ – and took in her messy hair and her cream-coloured jacket and her moon-shaped medallion. She was _amazing_. Rey couldn’t understand anyone who didn’t think the same thing.

Rose looked up at the ship and back down at Rey, “They told me the Millennium Falcon was here. I thought I’d come see it.”

“Of course!” Rey said, turning to the boarding ramp, “Come on in!”

“ _Really_?” Rose asked, but she was already moving to the ramp as Rey lowered it.

“Yeah, of course,” Rey said, starting up the ramp, “And hey, you worked maintenance – do you know how to fix a Schyler Valve?”

“You’re better off replacing it with a Nunez Switch.”

“Where would I get one of those?”

“I can show you.”

The two women smiled at each other and Rey’s heart clenched as she realized – she was making a friend.

She’d spent so long being so lonely that anytime she realized she was making a friend – anytime she remembered she _had_ friends ( _plural_ ) – it made her stop, just for a second. The realization was so huge, so monumental that it rocked her back for a moment. It was like getting the wind knocked out of her, but in a good way. In a really good way.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

Rey’s days were devoted to sorting through the shipments brought by Lando, sorting things into their proper places, helping build the base from the ground up. She spent a day distributing mattresses and another building equipment for a training center, which they desperately needed for all the new recruits pouring in.

The X-Wings were brought down from the cruiser, lined up to be takeoff-ready. Leia was planning to restart missions, hoping to continue the few recon missions they’d been running to spread the Resistance’s message across the galaxy: they were not dead, they were not gone; the Resistance was rising, and they were ready.

Rey returned to her bunk a week after Lando’s delivery, utterly exhausted. She and Rose had found a Nunez Switch among the supplies and they’re spent hours tinkering with it, trying to take out the Schyler Valve in the least-obtrusive way possible. It was a more delicate process than Rey had realized. Rose’s endless patience had been an asset.

Too exhausted to change, Rey merely kicked off her shoes and shrugged into Finn’s jacket, climbing up on the windowsill where she’d been sleeping, facing out into the night. She was asleep in no time.

But there was someone behind her.

Rey flew off the ledge at the sudden, intrusive thought, jolting her awake in a panic. She’d been facing the window, so it was her room that spun to face, certain someone was inside. Rey fell forward, hitting the floor painfully with her shoulder, hands slapping out to catch herself but seconds too late. She breathed hard, eyes darting wildly like a cornered animal, jumping at every shadow in the room.

But it was empty. It was _empty_. Rey looked down at the floor and pressed her cheek against the floor, trying to take a calming breath. But she was shaking, and her hands sung, where they pressed on the floor.

Awkwardly, she pulled the lower half of her body from her ledge, hitting the floor with a grunt. She sat on the floor, trying to get her bearings, blinking hard in the dark.

It was darker than when she fell asleep, the low lights on the ceiling and the moon the only light sources. And there was no one in her room. There was no one in the room. She was _alone_.

But she could’ve sworn she felt him – like a black hole, leeching all hope and warmth from her, pulling her in, threatening to swallow her whole –

Heart hammering, Rey pushed herself up to sit, pressing a hand to her chest, the other to her temple. It was all in her head. It was all in her head. But that was the root of the problem, wasn’t it? _He was in her head_.

Rey stood on shaking legs, holding herself up on the ledge. Then she made a break for the door. She forgot her shoes, her socked feet cold against the stone, but she didn’t dare even _look_ back, just in case.

In the hallway, she dropped against the wall, its mass solid and reassuring. No one could sneak up on her if she had her back pressed to a wall. Wrapping Finn’s coat more tightly around her, she half-wished it still smelled like him. It would be a comfort when nothing else felt like one.

She’d fallen asleep with her hair up. Normally, her trio of buns didn’t bother her at all, but her scalp felt sore and her head pounded. Reaching up, she yanked the ties out, gritting her teeth against the pain of her hair she ripped out along with them. She took a deep breath and dropped her head against the wall behind her, the relieved pressure helping.

Rey shut her eyes. The air around her changed, felt less charged, a little calmer. A little warmer.

“Rey?”

Her eyes snapped open again to find Poe standing before her, looking at her with concern. For once, his trademark smile wasn’t on his lips.

Her first instinct was to apologize for waking him, to dart away and find something to climb. Even if it was just the Falcon. But then she noticed the slight red tint to his eyes, the way they looked a little puffy. Like he’d been crying.

Poe must’ve found something similar in her face because, instead o asking, he said, “Ever sat in an X-Wing?”

Rey followed a step behind and to his right, so she could only see his profile. Her socked feet whispered against the floor. Aside from a small handful of occasions, they hadn’t interacted one-on-one at all. He always seemed so confident – it made her feel awkward and uncertain. Of course, she wasn’t happy he was distressed like this, but it made her feel a little more sure-footed.

Poe led her to where the X-Wings were lined up. He didn’t say anything on the way and neither did she, leaving them in silence while they walked – until a cheerful beep zoomed in.

Rey felt herself smile automatically, turning to see Beebee-Ate swinging towards them. He circled Rey’s feet, weaving between her legs.

“I forgot them,” she told him as he rolled and rolled around her. “Yes, it was silly to forget my shoes, I know.”

Now Poe smiled. He set his hands on his hips, looking at Beebee. “Why aren’t you charging?”

Beebee listed several excuses, all of them including Artoo.

“I don’t care if Artoo parties until dawn, _you_ are not supposed to be up this late – you’ll run the battery out, and then where will you be?”

Beebee rolled around him, pleading his case.

Poe looked conspiratorially. “What do you think, Rey? Should we let him hang out with us?”

Rey found herself smiling. She pressed her lips into a line and tried to make herself look serious. “Do you promise to go to bed as soon as we tell you?”

Beebee squealed his assent, nuzzling up to her leg. Poe sighed.

“ _Alright_ , come on,” but his put-upon tone was an act. She could see the smile puzzling at the corners of his mouth, especially when he turned his eyes to her.

They headed for the X-Wing together, Beebee swirling around them like an overexcited child. Rey walked next to Poe, now, eyes on his ship. Despite her tiredness, and the lingering affects of her nightmare lurking like slime in her skull, she felt her mood lift a little. She always wanted to get into a working X-Wing.

Poe moved a ladder over to his ship and gestured for her to go first. Then he climbed up after her, showing her how to lift the glass of the cockpit before pointing out where to put her hands to lift herself up and climb in.

Rey slid into the seat, her legs fitting in nearly perfectly. Poe wasn’t much taller than her; it must’ve fit him like a glove. She pressed herself back in the seat, trying to imagine what it must feel like to fly it. With the glass cockpit, it must feel like you could touch the stars.

Poe climbed onto the wing beside her, kneeling so he could point out different controls. “This is the throttle,” he explained, “This is steering, of course. Nav computer pulls out of there – yeah, there.”

Once he’d shown her all the buttons and gears, he asked, half-jokingly, “Any questions?”

Rey paused, then said, “How similar is the thrust nozzle to that of the SF Tie Fighters? Does it experience similar flare-ups if it goes without maintenance?”

Poe blinked, like he hadn’t expected the question. Then he said, “Well, obviously, the Resistance tech is far superior – “

“Superior because it’s superior or because you hate the First Order?” Rey challenged.

Poe sat up, “Well, hold on a minute – “

Rey cut him off again, “Because I’ve seen a couple, and they look very similar to the TIE model, which was based off a ship built for the New Republic’s Navy, wasn’t it?”

Poe studied her for a second before his lips quirked, “You know, Beebee told me all about you.”

It wasn’t what she was expecting. Now it was her turn to blink in confusion. He continued before she could comment.

“He left a few things out, though.”

Rey turned to look at him straight-on, “Like what?”

Poe pointed at her, “That’s my coat.”

It was a non-answer, but it was a good one, distracting her into looking down at her jacket, “I thought it was Finn’s?”

“I gave it to him,” Poe told her. He reconsidered, “Kind of. I let him keep it.”

“Here – “ Rey shifted, moving to take it off. Poe waved her off.

“Nah, keep it. Looks better on you,” he sat back then, looking ahead instead of at her. He ran his finger along the side panelling of Black One. They’d already re-christened many of the X-Wings, but Rey wondered if he missed his original ship. “What’s got you up?”

Rey avoided his eye, spreading her fingers on the buttons in front of her. She didn’t press any, of course, she just wanted to touch them. “I could ask you the same thing,” she said evasively, still avoiding his eye.

“Kylo Ren.” Poe’s honesty was startling. She snapped to look at him, finding him staring at the front of Black One. He looked up to meet her eye, though, with a sad little half-smile. “He tortured me,” his eyes jumped away from hers again, his smile disappeared. “He dug into my brain and just – took what he wanted. I’ve been tortured before – physically, and I’ve always been able to hold on. But Ren? Felt like he pried my karking skull open and pulled out what he wanted and I couldn’t karking stop him. Sometimes it’s like I can still feel his kriffing fingers in there.”

Rey watched him avoid her eye, watched Poe Dameron _shrink_ , somehow. Not in a way that made him seem smaller or somehow lesser. In a way where he became a little more human; a little more attainable.

“He’s doing the same thing to me,” Rey told him. Poe’s eyes jumped to her, probably at the tense. “Or – did. I’m not sure.” Rey looked back at the buttons again and began to trace them, forming circles with her fingers. “When I was on Ahch-To with Luke, he started to show up. Luke called it force-projecting. He wasn’t really there, but it seemed like he was. He would talk to me or – just stand there. I woke up to him watching me, once.”

Rey suppressed a shudder, biting hard into her cheek.

Poe’s voice was quiet, “Did he show up again?”

She shook her head. “I don’t think so? I think I’m just – paranoid. I haven’t seen him since Luke – “ She stopped, the wound still fresh. “Since Crait.”

“Kriffing sleemo,” Poe said. Somehow, Rey laughed.

“He really _is_ , isn’t he?”

Poe’s smile was less plastic. “He’s a frizzled shebs.”

“A _lurdo_ ,” Rey contributed. Poe shifted a little, turning to face her.

“C’mon, Rey – you were a scavenger on Jakku for years. Where’s the desert mouth?” Poe said, as if to demonstrate, “Ren’s a knuckleheaded hutt-farker.”

“Shab-for-brains bantha poodoo,” Rey said. Poe nodded encouragingly.

“A kriffing buckethead wannabe.”

“Crooked as a karking hutt.”

“A holotank commander with exhaust ports for eyes.”

“ _E chu ta_ ,” Rey said, making Poe laugh out loud and look at her admiringly.

“Knew you had it in you,” he said, smiling. Rey leaned her head back against the seat and smiled at him.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

“Sorry I’m late,” Rey said breathlessly, bursting into Leia’s quarters. Leia had asked her to return to her quarters after dinner, but Rey had lost track of time, reminded only of the appointment by a rather scolding Threepio. “I was making the training course.”

Leia waved her apology away. “You’re fine,” she said, gesturing to a seat in front of her. Rey noticed Finn first, elbows leaned on his knees in one of the chairs facing Leia. He smiled at her, bright and wide. Some of the nervousness that Rey hadn’t realized was in her stomach faded.

Then she noticed Poe, hand leaned on the empty chair Leia had indicated. He sent her his own smile, opening his hand and indicating the chair. Leia only had two spares. Rey took the seat with a nod of thanks, turning to watch Leia.

“I’ve got a mission for you,” she said, “On Raxus. Lando’s supplies have breathed new life into our resistance. But we need more. A former supplier of ours had gotten in touch and wishes to make a deal. I’m sending the three of you to meet him. Poe is experienced in this kind of work and Finn, well. I believe you could see oxygen to a Karkarodon.”

Finn beamed, sitting up straighter.

“What about me?” Rey asked, somewhat self-conscious. Leia’s plan made her more nervous than if she’d just wanted to talk about training, or even some mistake she’d made. If she wanted to test her skills, _already_?

Leia nodded. “This particular supplier has not always been forthcoming with us. In fact, that is why we cut ties with him before. But we’ve grown desperate. I’m sending you because you know ship and weapons parts better than almost anyone on base. I want you to inspect the shipment – but discreetly.”

Rey nodded. She felt another knot loosen in her; she was worried Leia was going to ask her to use the Force; to sense what intentions he had. But identifying faulty parts? She could do that. She felt her confidence swell.

“You’ll leave at dawn tomorrow,” Leia said.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

Raxus was a lush planet in the Outer Rim. Their specific target was its capital, Raxulon, where they could operate more anonymously than anywhere else on the planet. They took a U-Wing, leaving the Falcon behind because it was too recognizable, too much a risk with the Empire searching for them so vigorously. Han had dragged his feet when Rey had told him; Rey suspected his energy was tied to the ship, somehow, and leaving it behind meant Han couldn’t go with them.

Rey didn’t like it either. Going on a mission without the Falcon felt like leaving her staff behind. She felt like she was missing something important and kept checking herself, wondering what she’d forgotten.

It felt like Poe noticed, because he called her into the cockpit and taught her how to fly the U-Wing on the where there, whose systems followed the same general layout as the Falcon, but with a lot fewer bells and whistles. Finn spent the way complaining about the early hour, until he finally fell asleep behind them. After, they flew mostly in silence, but Rey was still glad to have something to do with her hands, something to focus on.

Once they hit lightspeed, Rey got up to stretch her legs and explore, poking her way around the back. The U-Wing was one of Lando’s gifts and had come stripped of its parts on the inside. They had only packed the essentials, in hopes they would need the room for the shipments they were going to get.

Rey paused at Finn, sleeping on the bench. He’d set his jacket over his shoulders like a blanket, but it had shifted when they moved into lightspeed. She adjusted his coat over him carefully, remembering the last time she’d seen him like this, stretched out in the med ward on D’Qar. The memory made her bite her lip.

She stroked her hand over his hand then stepped away, moving back towards the cockpit. Poe was resettling in his chair, looking resolutely out at the stars. Rey curled up in the chair beside him, lifting her feet and curling her arm around her shins.

“What’s Raxus like?” She asked Poe quietly, mindful of Finn.

Poe thought of a moment, leaned back in his chair. Then he said, “I’ve only been there once, for a mission. But the capital is a great city – have you ever been to a city before?” Rey shook her head and Poe considered again, looking for a way to explain. “There are lights everywhere. Buildings so tall that you need a speeder to reach the top. It’s not like Jakku – places don’t close at night. Actually, a lot of places look even more awake.”

Rey smiled, imagining it. “It sounds incredible.”

“It is,” Poe said, smiling back at her.

Their contact’s name was Rooney Nyressi and he was a Balosar, a humanoid species with two antennae that sprouted from their heads. Resistance archives had a picture from when they last allied with him; Rey studied it, committing his sharp eyes and spiky brown hair to memory before disembarking the ship.

The parking garage looked like ones that Rey had used before with the Resistance, but her footsteps faltered when they left it and walked out into the heart of the city.

It was night on Raxus and there were lights everywhere. They dotted up the sides of buildings that were taller than any structure Rey had seen before – taller than Maz’s club on Takodana, even, reaching magnificently into the sky. Rey felt her mouth drop open at the activity that buzzed around her; speeders buzzed around the buildings at different levels and the lights twinkled like stars, strung in lines or dotting up the beautiful, sharp architecture of the buildings. All the buildings had walkways built in levels with the odd group of people moving across hem. The ground was smooth marble, shiny and perfect.

“Rey?” Poe and Finn had slowed, turning back to where she’d stopped. Blushing, she hurried a few steps to catch up, shifting her staff higher on her shoulder. Her lightsaber bumped against her hip, tucked under her loose wraps, so as not to call attention.

The bar where they were meeting Nyressi was close by, tucked awkwardly into the beautiful architecture of the building next door. It had those string lights outside, but on this shabby little building, it looked a little more worn.

The blast of music was almost overwhelming when they walked in, spilling out from a band in the corner. The place was busy; every table was taken, including the booths that lined the wall and the tall tables that dotted through the main floor of the bar, as well as the chairs that lined the bar itself. Rey curled her fingers around the strap on her staff, watching the buzz of the bar with apprehension.

A Nautolan lurched away from the bar, falling against Rey, who quickly shoved him back upright, snarling automatically.

“D’you want a drink, gorgeous?” He slurred at her. Rey stepped back, keeping her mouth shut for the sake of the mission, but wanting to swear at his drunken rudeness.

“Paws off, buddy,” Poe said, steering the Nautolan gently back towards the bar, but with a hard tone that undercut his action a little. He stepped closer to her, jerking his chin to a table near the back. “I see him, there. Let’s go.”

Rey spotted him a moment later. Rooney Nyressi was in a booth in the back, wearing a large brown cloak, his hair spiky like it was in the photo. His antennae turned towards them, but he didn’t bother to look at them, raising his hand at a waitress for another drink.

Poe slid into the booth opposite Rooney, followed by Rey, then Finn. Only then did the Balosar raise his eyes to them, taking in each of them. When his near-black eyes slid over Rey, she felt something else, too – a hand on the wall in her mind, pushing lightly.

Rey watched him carefully. Whatever it was, it didn’t feel like the Force. It wasn’t clear enough, not focused enough. It was a hand groping in to the dark. Judging by the way his eyes shifted away from her but his antennae didn’t, he’d found something.

Poe was making introductions. “Ankar,” he said, pointing to himself. He pointed to Rey, then Finn. “Tetra, Shockley.”

On the U-Wing, they’d agreed to keep their cover o a minimum. They planned on called Rey and Poe siblings, Finn and Poe boyfriends – but _only_ if they were asked. The fewer details they gave about anything, the better.

Nyressi leaned forward on his elbows, addressing Poe. “How do I know you’re a friend?”

Poe took something from his finger – a ring. Twisting a hidden level, the shiny metal top twisted away in sections, revealing the rebel symbol. Poe raised his eyebrows – _good enough_?

It wasn’t. Rey could feel it just as surely as she could feel Nyressi pressing against the wall in her mind, a little more purposefully now. She took a breath and let a few things past the wall: nervousness. Fear. Desperation. The things he would expect and nothing threatening. She kept her confidence under wraps, her comfort from the saber at her hip and the men on either side.

“The best way to lie,” Leia had told her, “Is to tell the truth.”

Rey felt Nyressi’s hand relax back, interacting instead with the emotions she let through. She averted her eyes, trying to look vulnerable. It was a new act for her; she’d spent her entire life standing her ground and looking afraid wasn’t in her arsenal.

But it must’ve worked – Nyressi relaxed, physically and mentally, and held his hand up for the waitress. “Drinks?”

“Sure,” Finn said, smiling easily. “What’re you drinking?”

“Jawa Juice.”

Finn caught the eye of the waitress and put in their order. Poe, on Rey’s other side, breathed into her ear, “Take it slow, if you’ve never had it before.”

Rey nodded, glad for the warning – she’d never heard of the stuff before.

Poe turned his attention back on Nyressi, leaning back in the chair. His arm extended over the back of the booth, smiling in a hard, businesslike way, “What’re you offering us here, Nyressi? We’re not in the position to mess around.” His tone said, _don’t fuck with us_.

Nyressi smiled, apparently appreciating his bluntness. “Depends on what you’re looking for. Ships, weapons, supplies – I’ve got it all.”

It was as vague as it was generous. Poe caught it too, judging by the twist of his mouth.

The waitress appeared, setting cups in front of all of them. Rey glanced at Poe and Finn, wondering if they were thinking the same thing as her – if they told Nyressi what they needed, it was telling him something he didn’t know. It was an old trader’s trick; figure out what they want and reveal that you _just happen_ to have that _exact_ thing, what would you know?

“What we’re _looking_ for,” Poe said carefully, with that same sharp undercurrent. “Is loyalty. How can we know we trust you?”

He was good at this. He was so experienced, like he knew what buttons to press and on who. She wondered what button he’d press on her.

Nyressi shrugged, “Aren’t you rebels supposed to be _good_ at that blind faith thing?”

But he was looking at Rey again. She felt his mind reaching blindly for hers and this time, it made her grip tighten on her own knee, the feeling all too familiar...

“ _Hey_ ,” Poe said, snapping his fingers in front of Nyressi, “We blindly trust those _worthy_ of it – and you’ve already proven yourself the opposite, Nyressi.”

“You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t need me,” Nyressi sneered.

“Let’s all relax,” Finn said, putting a placating hand on the table between them. He picked up his drink and held it to Nyressi, offering a cheers. “I’m not in any rush. Especially with Jawa Juice this good.”

Nyressi clinked his cup against Finn’s, “Best in the damn galaxy.” He took a healthy pull. Rey raised her cup to her lips cautiously, trying to smell it before taking a sip. It was – strange. Almost like juice that had gone sour, but stronger, somehow. She didn’t like it.

Struggling not to make a face, she set the cup back down on the table.

Finn asked Nyressi about his taste in alcohol, asking if he’d had something called a Tatooine Sunrise before ordering the table a round. Soon Finn was trading near-miss stories with Nyressi, telling him a disguised version of his adventure at Canto Bight, giving the planet a different name and leaving out the races, while Nyressi responded with a story of smuggling some supplies past the First Order right under their noses, caught at the last moment and needing to escape.

Rey found herself relaxing a little. Finn’s role on this mission was becoming more and more obvious. She knew what he was doing; hells, it was working on _her_ , helping her ease back in her chair to watch him work. Nyressi was putty in his hands. It was like her Jedi mind tricks. Very similar to them, actually.

Poe had signalled the waitress and when she returned with the Tatooine Sunrises, Rey realized hers was just juice. He’d gotten the alcohol taken out of all their drinks. Judging by the wobbly state of Nyressi’s smile, his was the only one that still had alcohol in it.

“Anyone ever tell you that you think awful loud, girlie?” Nyressi asked suddenly, looking straight at her. Rey sat up, meeting his eye for the first time.

“Excuse me?”

“Balosar,” he slurred, pointing to his antennae. “I can sense your emotions. And you’re feeling a lot of things, girlie.”

Rey’s first instinct was to go on the offensive, to bonk him over the head with her staff and to remind him that her name was _Rey_ (except it wasn’t even, not for this assignment). But that wasn’t what Leia would do. Leia would say something smart, would have him charmed and insulted in all one turn.

“What is it I’m thinking, then?” She wasn’t quite coy enough, a little too rough around the edges. But Nyressi was either too drunk to notice, or he just didn’t care.

“You,” Nyressi paused, took a deep drink, and sat back, “Don’t trust me. Smart girl.” He took another drink, “But look at it this way – I have no loyalty to the Empire. My loyalty is to whoever has the most credits, and whoever has the most credits is always the one that’s most desperate. Right now? That’s you and your friends.”

Rey wanted to recoil at that answer, but it wasn’t a new one. She grew up at Niima Outpost, where the bottom line was greed. It was always greed. 

“You can check out the merchandise tomorrow,” Nyressi said, swaying as he stood suddenly, “We’ll negotiate prices then. Meet me here, same time.”

They agreed and Nyressi left, the three of them staying in their booth. Finn turned towards them, leaning on his elbows.

“What next?”

Poe had taken out his datapad and slid it in front of them, showing them a message, “A contact of Leia’s found something for us.”

“Coordinates?” Rey asked, looking at the string of numbers.

“Storage cells registered to Nyressi. They’re not far,” he looked at Rey, “I don’t trust him either. Let’s check it out.”

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

The night air was a relief after the stuffy bar. Rey breathed in deeply, glad for how clear it was after the almost-humid bar. Poe checked his chrono, the light harsh green on the dark street.

“It’s past curfew,” he said, “Patrols will be out. We’ll need to be careful.”

Luckily, their destination wasn’t far. They crept along the shadows and paused, listening, at corners. This activity suited Rey far better. She much preferred sneaking down alleys, keeping her feet silent on the marble ground and her hand on her blaster, to any kind of charm or negotiation.

“This way,” Poe said, about to turn the next corner. But there was a shift in the air that had Rey’s hand shooting out to grab the collar of his shirt, yanking him back just in time to avoid the sound of marching coming towards them. They ducked back behind a trash bin, pressed back against the wall of the alley. Rey’s fingers curled more firmly into the fabric, warm from his skin, as the marching grew louder.

Their lights swung into the alley wildly before streaking back to the road, footsteps marching evenly past. Rey held her breath, trying to listen for other shoes, coming closer. But the sound only faded.

“Good catch,” Poe whispered, reaching up and taking her fingers in his, gently untangling them from his shirt. Rey’s neck went hot. She would’ve yanked her hand instinctively back, but Poe held tight to her fingers. He squeezed them once before releasing them, dismissing her apology before she could make it.

They jogged quietly across the road the troopers were patrolling to an adjacent alley. Poe patted the wall of the building behind them. “This is it,” he said, double checking the coordinates.

Finn peeked back out onto the main road but withdrew quickly, shaking his head. “No way we’re getting in the front door. Looks like some troopers are assigned a loop here.”

They all knew how that looked; Rey’s distrust in Nyressi was becoming more and more weighted.

“Financial district,” Poe said, “The First Order probably has assets they’d like to protect around here.” It sounded more damning than he probably intended. “But Leia wants confirmation. We still have to get inside.”

Rey was looking up. There was a window, short, but wide enough to fit through, if they could reach it.

“Here,” Poe said, noticing it too. He laced his fingers together and bent his knees.

Rey set her hands on his shoulders and fit her foot into his grasp, jumping just slightly when he lifted her. He still did it fairly easily. Rey tried not to think about the way his shoulders felt under her hands, tried to focus on the window she was reaching for. But then he shifted her in a bit to help his balance and his cheek hit her hip. She felt herself go red all over again.

Getting her hands on the window ledge, she pulled herself up. Her feet left Poe’s grasp as she hooked her elbows over the edge and held herself up. But when she pushed on the glass, it was locked.

She could see the latch. Pushing her toes against the wall, trying to get some kind of purchase, she shifted her elbow off the ledge and flicked with her fingers. The latch and the window popped open.

Rey pushed the window fully open and swung a leg up, lying uncomfortable on her stomach on the sill. She shifted, straddling the window and hooking her arm around the inside of the window to reach down with her other hand.

Poe gave Finn a lift and she took his hand, helping Finn up.

“I’ll help Poe,” Finn said, settling in front of her. There wouldn’t be enough room for the three of them on the frame. Glancing down at Poe, who was backing up to take a run at it, she nodded and ducked under the window, sliding off the window and into the warehouse.

It was a decent drop, and her knees sung a little at the landing. She still landed silently, glancing quickly up and down the hall. But the warehouse looked empty.

It was dark, the only light coming in from the moons through the tall and skinny windows. Rey turned and squinted in the dark. She could see the outlines of dozens of rows of shelving, all full of boxes. She took a couple steps forward, looking at the nearest shelf. The box was labelled with a string of numbers Rey thought she recognized; it took a moment to place them, but she did. It was a serial number for an engine part she’d salvaged before. She didn’t remember every serial number she’d seen on equipment she’d traded, but she remembered this one, because it had gotten her _four_ rations. Rey always remembered serial numbers for things that earned her _four_ rations.

Behind her, Finn dropped, a little louder than her. He was followed by Poe, who grunted when he landed. Rey looked back to check on him, but he just shook his head.

“I’m just an old man,” he said, “Can’t keep up with you kids.” Rey rolled her eyes, but it did make her smile.

“You’re not that much older than me,” she said, taking her saber off her belt. She lit it up, the familiar sound making her shoulders feel a little looser. She held the saber up, trying to give them some light.

“What is all this stuff?” Finn asked, looking at the nearest shelf. He was squinting in the low light; Rey brought the saber closer to help him.

“Engine parts,” Rey said, “ _Expensive_ engine parts. Things we need.”

Poe studied the number with them. “I still don’t feel right about this,” he took a flashlight off his belt and pointed it down the long aisle. “Let’s look around.”

He crept down the aisles, leading the way. Holding his blaster in hand, Poe watched for security while Rey and Finn darted in the boxes on either side, trying to find something that indicated Nyressi was trustworthy. But each box was some kind of ship part, parts needed in just about every ship in the galaxy.

But then Rey caught another serial number she knew. “Hold on,” she said, reading the basic written on the side. She handed her saber to Finn and took the box off the shelf, setting it on the floor and opening it.

Inside was a pile of sleek, white-plated blaster rifles. Rey looked up at the boys. Blaster rifles were used on both sides, but the white plating...

“He’s selling to both sides,” Poe said decisively. He nodded, “We won’t be meeting him tomorrow.”

“Who’s there?!”

They froze at the voice. Especially since it came muffled, through a mask.

Finn extinguished the saber immediately, but it was too late. Footsteps were running towards them.

As one, they spun and ran in the opposite direction, sprinting back to the window. But a trooper appeared at the end of the aisle, lifting his rifle.

“They’re here!”

Rey snatched the saber from Finn’s hands, lighting it up and ricocheting his blasts back at him, forcing the trooper to retreat.

Poe grabbed her by the arm and dragged her down another aisle, just in time to miss another trooper coming after his partner.

They ran, dodging another shot from another trooper, all ducking at once. When a trooper appeared at the end of their aisle Rey reached out with her mind and _shoved_ the shelves behind them crashed and the troopers behind them cried out with the hit.

Poe skidded to a stop at the window, lacing his fingers together and catching Finn as he flew at him, lifting him up in almost a throw. Finn grabbed the window and knocked it open, hauling himself up and straddling the sill, reaching down for Rey. She returned her saber to her belt and Poe lifted him again, both her hands moving from Poe’s shoulders to Finn’s outstretched hand, letting him pull her up on the sill. Her feet left Poe’s grasp just in time for another muffled shout.

“Over here!”

Poe swore, ducked away as blaster shots showered down on him. Rey gasped as one grazed her calf, which was helplessly kicking against the wall.

“Go!” Poe said to them. “Come and get me, bucketheads!” Poe shouted as he sprinted away, drawing their fire.

She wasn’t going to leave him – not trapped in the warehouse, and not alone.

Rey looked up at Finn, “Get to the ship!”

She squeezed his hand then let go, ignoring his worried expression as she dropped. Rey took after Poe, taking her blaster from its holster and shooting behind her. A hand shot out from behind a shelf and grabbed her, yanking her with him.

“What’re you doing?!” Poe snapped.

Rey pressed herself against the shelving behind him. “I’m not leaving you alone,” she told him before leaning around him to shoot twice down the aisle. She leaned back against the shelves, “You’ve got better chances with two.”

Poe watched her for a moment, his expression unreadable. Finally, he said, “You’re making this more difficult than it needs to be.” Rey half-laughed.

“Yeah, I usually do.”

Poe paused again, apparently forgetting himself. The corner of his mouth lifted in a grin, recognizing her answer.

But before he could speak, more blaster fire flew over their heads, making them duck.

“This way!” He said, running in a random direction, his hand latched around her wrist.

Something ahead of them – it was that feeling again, something Rey couldn’t put words to, but something in front of them _rippled_ and she gasped, grabbing Poe’s arm and yanking him back, taking his place.

The vibroblade got her in the thigh, making her stumble and cry out as she fell. At least it helped her dodge the next swipe, which would’ve caught her in the neck if she hadn’t crumpled and dropped.

Then Poe was there, upper cutting the Balosar standing there. Nyressi. He clattered to the ground, but Rey didn’t what happened after because Poe appeared, hooking his arms under hers and hauling her to her feet. Her leg _burned_ , and she half-groaned at the movement, but at least it wasn’t bleeding. The vibroblade had cauterized it when it cut, leaving her with a gaping, and on the edges, crispy burn. The blaster wound was another story, dripping warmth down in the back of her boot.

Rey clenched her teeth and took all her pain then shut it into a box. She shoved it away. She didn’t have time to focus on it right now.

“We gotta go,” Poe said, almost apologetically, in response to her groan. He strung her arm over his shoulders, mindful of her injured leg. His face was so open, but she didn’t need to see it to feel the sudden, sharp, naked fear that had shot through him when she first shouted. “You gotta move on it, just a little, okay?”

It was a lie, but so was her answer.

“Yeah,” she said, letting him take some of her weight. She took her blaster in her free hand, letting him pull her down the aisle.

Rey shut her eyes, reaching out with her feelings. “Take the next left,” she told him, opening her eyes. Poe did as she told, and then they could see a door, down at the end of the hall. A trooper jumped out from a nearby aisle, but Rey lifted her blaster and shot, sending him down. Then she looked at the door and shoved her hand forward, throwing it off its hinges.

They broke into the night, Poe’s hand scrambling on her hip as they moved from cement to marble ground, readjusting and lifting her back up, nearly off her feet. “Sorry, sweetheart,” he mumbled, “I’m sorry.” Something about his tone – she had a feeling it wasn’t just about his hand slipping. She squeezed her arm around his shoulders, trying to make that fear and guilt still rolling off him in waves dissipate.

“Rey! Poe!”

They looked to the right and saw Finn sliding towards them on a speeder. He skidded to a stop, reaching for Rey.

“What happened?” He asked, taking in her gritted teeth and black-red burn. Rey tried not to look at it at all.

“She’s too good for her own good,” Poe said, stepping away and behind her, bracing his hands on her hips to help lift her onto the speeder.

“We should probably go!” Rey said, just as more troopers rounded the corner of the warehouse. Finn spun in his seat, revving the engine while Rey locked her arm around his waist, reaching back to grab Poe, who straddled the back of the seat, sandwiching her in. Poe wrapped his arms around her and gripped Finn with one hand, her stomach with the other, just in time for Finn to hit the gas.

They shot forward, flying down the alleys and roads, ignoring the attention they were calling to themselves and the troopers that tried to make them stop. One of Poe’s arms came off from around her, turning and aiming his blaster behind them, taking out some of the troopers on their tail. Finn hit a sharp turn and her blaster wound bumped against Poe’s leg behind her, making her swear. Poe’s hand returned to her waist.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said, his voice right in her ear. She nodded away his apology, putting her hand on his thigh.

Soon they were skidding to a stop in front of the U-Wing, Poe jumping off before they were even stopped. Poe reached up and helped Rey off, stringing her arm over his shoulder again while Finn went for the door release, punching in the code. They ambled up the freight door and shut it, Poe setting Rey down carefully before heading for the cockpit with Finn for takeoff.

Rey sat back on the bench seat, heart hammering. She tried to focus on Poe’s instructions to Finn, shutting her eyes to listen to him.

“Raise the landing gear – red button on your left,” Poe said, voice calm but firm. “And engage the boosters, there above you.”

The engines started up, rumbling the ship. The ship lifted abruptly, Rey’s stomach dropping, her leg bumping against the seat. She sucked in a breath – it wasn’t the slash on her thigh, but the blaster wound on her calf. It was bleeding all over the bench, soaking the back of her boot and making it feel heavy.

The ship angled up, the gravity taking a second to catch up to the hasty takeoff, shooting them into the air. Rey swore, leg bumped again.

She sat back against the bench for a second, eyes shut. She took a deep breath. Then Rey pushed her hands against the wall and shoved herself up, gritting her teeth against the pain of the pressure on her leg.

Rey leaned against the wall and took a heavy step, trying to keep her weight off it as much as possible. She spotted the first aid kit beside the door and reached for it, leaning her free hand on the wall. Just as she began to pull it off the shelf, a sudden, sharp pain in her leg had her hand stuttering, making her drop the first aid kit and watching it explode onto the floor.

“Kark,” Rey said under her breath, looking at the mess she’d made. She set the heel of her injured leg carefully on the ground and slowly bent her good leg, sliding her heel and easing her way down against the wall. She dropped with an ungraceful _oof_ , gritting her teeth then relaxing.

Shifting through the mess of supplies she’d dropped, Rey didn’t recognize any of it. She’d never had the luxury of proper medical supplies and was overwhelmed by her choice now. She picked up a tube and read its instructions – _this topical lotion should be applied liberally to areas affected by first degree burns caused by toxic plants of the Lirean family_. Rey blinked. She didn’t know what half of those words _meant_. Tossing the lotion aside, she checked another tube, whose instructions weren’t in Basic, or any other language she knew. Another mentioned something about a high potential danger of boils, so she tossed that one away too.

It would be better to just work with what she knew. Rey found a basic spray she recognized, something that could help clean it. She found some scissors and used them to cut the leg of her pants open and off, feeling a twinge of guilt at the waste, but they were past saving. Next, she took off her boot, which hadn’t been hit by the blaster, but was close enough to brush the edge of the wound, to have gathered just about all the blood she’d shed from it. Her sock was soaked, so she took that off too. Then she took her water bottle and, gritting her teeth, poured half the cold water over her thigh.

A strangled little yelp escaped her, cringing when she heard the crackled of her own dead skin break off. It sizzled with the touch of the water. Like a sunburn, skin splashed with a vibroblade continued to burn if it wasn’t cooled down. Rey bit her lip and poured more water over her thigh, breathing out slowly from her stomach.

Rey crunched her side next to reach the blaster burn, which wasn’t as bad as the slash, but still an angry red. She tried to tilt her leg without affecting her thigh too badly, but still had to grit her teeth at the movement. Rey poured the rest of her water on the blaster burn, biting her lip against the pain.

It was far from the worst burn she had. That honor went to when she’d been fifteen, and she’d gone looking for scrap metal; she’d lowered herself on a rope over the sunny side of a downed Star Destroyer, after a specific part she’d seen the night before. But she’d lost her grip on the rope and went tumbling straight onto the burning-hot metal, scalding her palms and knees, which had caught her landing. They’d bubbled up into blisters almost immediately, and the water at Niima Outpost had been warm, more a hinderance than any help.

Her knees healed in a week or so, but her hands had taken a month, re-opening and getting infected with all the work she had to do. Rey finally had to go without food for three days, saving credits to trade for a salve instead. She remembered lying awake at night, crying because she couldn’t do anything else, starting at the sky and _wondering_ – how could anyone who loved her just leave her like that? Why wouldn’t they just _come back_?

Rey sighed, leaning back against the wall of the ship. She could feel her leg throbbing, trying to rush blood into the area that needed to be healed. She shut her eyes, trying to focus on something other than the pain. Their mission, which had been a spectacular failure? The resistance, which was still in desperate need of supplies?

Sometimes she felt like she was still that lonely scavenger on Jakku, just feeling her way around in the dark.

“What happened in here?” Rey opened her eyes to see Poe looking down on her, hands on his hips. His smile was kind, teasing. “Did you lose a fight with the medkit?”

She’d expected Finn. Rey looked at Poe. “I expected Finn.”

Poe’s smile changed slightly, but she couldn’t tell how. “Finn has even less training with field medicine than he does flying a U-Wing, surprisingly.” Poe walked over to her, kneeling down, “So, for now, you’re stuck with me. Let’s see what we’re working with.”

Poe glanced at her, waiting for her to nod before he set his hands on her leg carefully away from the slash, whistling. “Looks painful. What’d you put on it?”

“Water,” Rey said, “Just water, to stop the burning.”

“Good idea,” Poe said, shifting to sit in front of her properly. He looked over the mess she’d made then picked up a stack of bandages, shifting through them until he found what he was looking for.

“Bandages will seal the heat in,” Rey told him, “It’s best to keep them open.”

“Usually, yeah,” Poe said, pushing aside some of the bandages so he could sit in front of her properly. “These are bacta-based, though. They’ll help heal the wound – won’t be enough to heal them over, but hopefully we have enough bacta on base to do that.” He picked up the can Rey had picked out, spreading a warm hand over her knee, hooking a couple fingers under to lift her leg slightly. He looked up apologetically. “This is going to sting, okay?”

Rey nodded, bracing herself. “Go ahead.”

Poe shook the can, then turned it on her thigh. The effect was instantaneous. The burn in her leg heightened, shifted from the burn of heat to the burn of bacteria being killed. Rey dropped her head against the wall and imagined her breath, swirling it slowly out of her stomach.

“Now the other one,” Poe said, her only warning before he sprayed her blaster wound mercilessly, making her press her head painfully back into the wall. Poe curled a hand around her ankle, rubbing his thumb over her Achilles. “Good job, Sweetheart. You’re tough as nails.”

Rey lifted her head from the wall, looking down at him. _Sweetheart_. The endearment, slipped out of his mouth, made her feel warm all over.

But before she could linger on it, Poe had shifted, picking up the bandages he’d set aside. He ripped it open and took off the inner protection, carefully angling her leg so he could press the bandage on the worst part of the burn.

The relief was staggering. She sighed, drooping back against the wall again, but for a different reason now. Poe smiled down at the next bandage, fitting it next to the first to cover the rest of the slash.

“This stuff would’ve been a life-saver on Jakku,” she said. But it was the wrong thing to say. Poe’s smile dropped and his hands faltered, looking up at her.

She’d done that thing again – sometimes she said something that made someone else pause, that made them look at her with drawn, sad eyes. Pity. It made her want to take her words back, shove them back into her mouth.

Poe didn’t say anything. Instead he shifted backwards, taking her foot in one hand and setting it on his thigh. Then he put his hand up the back of her calf, tilting it slightly so he could see her blaster wound.

“It’s not a miracle worker,” he said finally, reaching for the next patch, holding her ankle with his free hand. “You’ll still have a scar.” He opened the patch and set it on her wound. Rey felt herself relax at the relief, shoulders drooping.

“Good news, though,” Poe continued. Now he was smiling, that mischievous one that Rey felt all the way to her toes. “People find scars incredibly sexy.”

Rey laughed out loud at that – half out of surprise, half out of the idea that someone would find _her_ sexy – and it had the desired affect. Her leg still stung, but it wasn’t as painful as before. She wasn’t even really thinking about it; Poe’s thumb was circling her Achilles, still, and it was very distracting.

“Thank you,” Poe said, “By the way.”

Rey watched him through half-lidded eyes, head tipped back against the metal. She smiled. “You’re welcome.”


	2. quiet afternoon crush

The walls in the medical ward were the same brown sandstone as the rest of the temple and would’ve been fairly depressing on their own. But some clever rebel had armed the base’s children with paint, and the result was happy, smudgy smears along Rey’s waist height throughout medical. It lent a cheeriness to the rooms that they didn’t otherwise have. But she could only stare at their paintings and be charmed for so long – Rey was _bored_.

She’d been put on medical leave for _twelve_ days. _At least_! The med droid had added that qualifier several times, like she had wanted to be sure Rey was listening. The droid had also repeated her other instructions: no weight on it for at least three days, regular application of salves, don’t _pick_ at the burns in the meantime. Finally, the most important direction: no _shenanigans_. That last one had come after Beebee had appeared with a challenge to a game of hide and seek, and she’d been caught in a laundry basket, eyes a little teary because she’d bumped her burn and _ow_.

It was hard sitting still after running for so long and _working_ so long before that. It was almost as bad as those empty days on the Falcon. It was almost worse because, most of the time, she only had her leg to think about. When she got hurt on Jakku, the wounds were often worse, but they were easier to ignore; she had work to do, scavenging to focus on, and by the time she returned to her home, she was too exhausted to do anything but sleep. But here, trapped in the medical ward, she was stuck thinking about it constantly, the dull throb of her leg making itself known.

That was why she was so happy when they shifted her out of their critical care after the first day, sliding her into a room with none other than Rose. They could talk for hours, they soon learned, from everything about their adventures with the Resistance to different parts on ships and weapons and even door locks. But Rose went to physical therapy for two hours a day, leaving Rey alone in their room, bored out of her mind, able to focus only on her pain and her leg.

Sometimes her insecurities crawled in, too. She would hear Ren’s voice in the silence, calling weak and pathetic and useless. Rey tried to meditate but it was too noisy, with machines beeping beside her, and nurses shouting in the halls, and med droids whirling back and forth outside her door. It wasn’t anything like the gentle hum of activity in Leia’s quarters.

Rey looked at the muddy children’s paintings in front of her, trying to decide for about the thirtieth time if it was a flower or a sun. It also kind of looked like a penis. The thought made Rey giggle, turning her head to look at it at a better angle.

The door swung open, drawing her attention. But no one was there. Rey sat up, trying to see around Rose’s bed. Beebee swung around its edge, whistling cheerfully at her. [ _Best-Friend Rey!_ ] He beeped. [ _Best-Friend Rey I am here!_ ]

“Hey, Bee,” Rey said, smiling. Beebee rolled in front of her bed, coming to his usual abrupt, skidding stop. _Broop_.

“I’m happy to see you too, Bee,” Rey said, watching as he shuffled open his storage compartment, offering the drawer up towards her. “Do you have something for me?”

Beebee chirped happily, wiggling his head excitedly side to side. Rey giggled at him, setting her hands on the bed to help herself shift out of it, eyes darting to the hall first to ensure no nurses or med droids were lurking. Once her feet were on the floor, she carefully lowered herself down to sit next to Beebee-Ate, leaning back against the wall.

Beebee rolled over to present his storage compartment. Inside, Rey found a handful of the sweet berries that grew here, which she’d tried for the first time with her breakfast the other day. She smiled, taking the berries out with one hand and giving Beebee an affectionate scratch with the other.

“Thank you, Beebee,” she said, “I love them.” The little droid nuzzled up against her hand, cooing lovingly. Rey popped a berry in her mouth and said, “What’re you up to today? Anything exciting?”

Beebee rolled around her, squealing in excitement.

“A mission?” Rey asked, and at Bee’s indignant beeps, she added, “Sorry – a _very important_ mission? That’s fantastic. What’s your mission?”

The droid stopped in front of her and beeped very carefully.

“Classified, huh?” Rey asked, tossing another berry into her mouth. “Well, it _must_ be very important. It’s a good thing they’ve asked for your help – you’re the best agent we have.”

Beebee beeped his assent and Rey smiled at him, utterly charmed. Bee was her first friend. She would never forget that. She was so lucky to have a droid so amazing for her first friend.

“I love you,” she said, somewhat abruptly. She was thinking about hitting the warehouse floor. If she hadn’t, she would’ve taken that knife in the chest, or maybe the neck. She didn’t want to think about what would’ve happened.

Bee stopped his whirling to roll up to her, bumping her good leg sweetly.

[ _Beebee-Ate – DESIGNATION: hero, DESIGNATION: the best agent in the Resistance – loves Best-Friend Rey too_.]

Rey laughed, reaching forward to adjust his antennae. It had gone crooked in all his excitement. “Thank you, Bee,” she said again, meaning it from her very bones.

The door opened again. Rey looked under Rose’s bed to see her legs appear, distinctive for their crutches. But Bee whirled away from her, spinning to greet her.

[ _Friend-Rose is here_!] He chirped. [ _Friend-Rose is the_ best _!_ ]

Rose laughed, shifting carefully to reach down and pat Beebee’s shell. “Hey buddy,” she said, “You’re the best, too. Do you know where Rey is?”

“Down here!” Rey called. She smiled up at Rose when she peered around the corner. “Hey.”

Rose looked at her with concern, “Did you fall? Here, let me help you.”

Rey waved her off, shaking her head. “No, no. I came down to see Bee.” She set her hand on the bed next to her, tugging herself up on one leg. Rose maneuvered to sit on the bed and Rey sat on her own, across from her.

“Bored again?” Rose asked, setting her crutches beside her. Rey made a face which made Rose laugh. “Yeah, okay, I thought so.”

Rey swung her good leg, jerking her chin at Rose. “How’s physio?”

“Getting better,” Rose said, “They still want to get me into some bacta, but until then, it’s the pool for me. It’s not so bad.” Rose spent most of her physio in one of the clear pools of water behind the temple, where she carefully walked and stretched her healing muscles.

Rey hummed, leaning on her hands and looking at the ceiling. “Yeah, especially with Finn’s help, I imagine?” She snuck a look at Rose, catching her face go astro-beet red.

[ _Hero-Friend Finn is so helpful!_ ] Bee crooned from the floor, spinning happily. [ _Hero-Friend Finn is the best_!]

“Oh, definitely,” Rey said, “He is very helpful. Very, _very_ helpful.” She sent Rose a sly look, making her go even redder.

Rey liked Rose. She liked her a lot. Rose was everything Finn said, and more. She was kind and helpful, and she had good taste, judging by how red she became anytime Rey mentioned Finn.

Rey reached forward with her good leg, toeing Rose gently in the shin, “Sorry,” she said, “I’m just teasing.”

“Are you?” Rose asked suddenly, looking up. “Because sometimes I... I mean. You’re so close with him. And I worry...”

Rey laced her eyebrows together. “Worry what?” Rose looked at her and meaningfully raised her eyebrows. Rey watched her, confused. Rose just raised her eyebrows again, overexaggerating it even more. And then realization hit Rey. A laugh bubbled out of her.

“Oh, no,” she waved Rose off, shaking her head, “No, no, no. Nothing to worry about with me.” Rey felt a flush of embarrassment wash over her at even having to explain this.

“Finn is my best friend,” she started, then abruptly corrected herself when Beebee beeped indignantly. “ _Second_ best friend, sorry, Bee. And he’d be an amazing person _for_ that, but – definitely not for me. And not me for him, either. He’s an absolutely wonderful person and anyone would be lucky to have him.” Then, to be sure, “He’s a brother to me.”

Rose nodded, quickly. “So, then he’s...”

“ _Super_ into you,” Rey said, smiling. “He’s not lining up at the physio pools to help just _anyone_.”

“Oh,” Rose said, smiling down at her knees. “Okay.” She looked thoughtful. Rey wanted to ask what she was thinking about, but she wasn’t sure if that was her place. She was still too new to all this to know for sure.

“ _So_ ,” Rose asked, finally looking up at her. “Do you have anyone?”

Rey narrowed her eyes. “Me?” She shook her head, “No.”

Rose nodded, “Some people don’t _want_ that. That’s okay too.”

Rey considered. She hadn’t really had a chance for it before. Jakku wasn’t exactly the best place to find someone like that. Romance had never been the top of the list – she had more _important_ things to do, like survive. It had never seemed to be an option for her. But Rose presenting it like it _was_ , was new... and not unwelcome.

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s not that. It’s something I would like, I think. But also,” she paused, trying to articulate her thoughts. “People don’t see me that way.”

Rose tilted her head, “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Rey paused again, trying to explain herself. “I mean, like _this_. I’m bad at talking to people. And some people find me... intimidating, or something. They see me as this _Jedi_ , and not, you know. Me.”

Rose smiled at her. “I don’t think you’re bad at talking to me.” Rose shrugged, her smile going kind of sad, “My sister was kind of like that, you know. She needed time to warm up to people. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Rey considered that. She thought about Finn. She didn’t need time to warm up to him, not really. But he was also _Finn_ , the most charming, kind person in the galaxy. He could probably talk Kylo Ren into kindness, if he really tried.

So, she tried to think of another example. What about Poe – Poe, who had intimidated the hell out of her, until she spoke with him in the X Wing. She guessed she had taken that time to warm up to him. And look at them now – he was one of her closest friends on base.

“Yeah,” Rey said, feeling herself relax, “You’re right. I just need time. And there’s nothing wrong with that?” It came out more a question than she meant, but Rose smiled and nodded anyways.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Rose confirmed.

Rey leaned back on her hands. There was nothing wrong with her. Just because she was awkward, or not the easiest with people, didn’t mean something was wrong with her. That was just who she was. She didn’t have to change that, if she didn’t want to.

“And what you said, about people not seeing you that way?” Rose shook her head, smiling differently. “No way.”

“What?”

“Well,” Rose dragged out the word, looking at the ceiling. “What about Poe?”

Beebee made his presence known, chirping at Poe’s name. [ _Dad-Poe! I love Dad-Poe! He’s the best, the bestest best ever!_ ]

“ _Dameron_?!” Rey asked in disbelief, like the base was crawling with Poes, all handsome and kind and interested in her. Rose nodded. “Oh, there’s no way.”

“Why not?” Rose asked, “He comes to see you here every day – sometimes twice.”

 _Ah._ That’s why she was saying this, of course. Rey shook her head. “Oh, no, it’s not like that. He feels bad. I took that hit for him – he feels guilty.”

Rose hummed in a way that made Rey’s stomach do something funny. But Rose dropped it, “Okay. Whatever you say.” She smiled, “You up for a game of holo-chess?”

Rey nodded, feeling her shoulders sink in relief at the change of topic. Rose produced a datapad, borrowed from Finn, and started up the game. Rey limped over to join her on her cot, sitting on the other side of the datapad.

Beebee spun around beneath the cot, whirling his goodbye. The girls responded in kind, waving as he shot out the door.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

They didn’t have any bacta on base, excepting the pads, which were only to be used in emergencies. But it didn’t mean the Resistance was completely at a loss of what to do. Soon old family herbal recipes were passed around, and the rebels that were native to the Cademimu Sector were able to offer some assistance. The nurses concocted a green gel that they dropped off at Rey’s bed like clockwork three times a day. She didn’t complain; it immediately helped to ease the pain, cool to the touch. Rey had seen the stiff, almost spiky plant they made it from, and wasn’t sure how to nurses managed to bully the plant into being such an odd gel, but she didn’t doubt the nurses’ capabilities in anything. She thought it best not to ask.

The nurse came by to drop the gel on her bed at noon, as always, with only instructions to _do it, Rey_ , before she whisked away again. Rey leaned forward on the bed and scooped up the bowl, then scooted back into the pillows. Rose was gone on physio, leaving her alone.

The nurses had given Rey shorts to wear, but she still had to roll the leg up, their usual knee-length too long for her burn, which cut her about mid-thigh. She stretched her leg out in front of her and examined the burn. It was still ugly, spanning the width of the front of her thigh, thicker than it normally would’ve been where Nyressi had twisted the knife. A massive blister had formed over it and had since popped, with several other, smaller blisters emerging beneath.

From experience, Rey knew to take a large chunk of gel on her fingers, rather than using it sparingly. Rey shoveled the gel on as liberally as she could, leaving a good thick layer on the entirety of the burn. She sighed as the gel cooled her skin, making her realize again just how warm the burn actually was.

She shifted her knee upwards slightly, drawing the blaster wound on her calf closer to her. It was kind of an odd angle, half-crunching to reach it, but she was trying not to move too much so as not to disturb the other wound.

Knuckles on her door made her look over, finding Poe standing with his hand on the doorframe.

“Hey,” he said, walking into the room. As he did, Beebee swirled around and past him, beeping his greetings.

“Hey,” Rey replied, sitting up. “Hello, Bee,” she said, looking down on him. She held up her fingers, covered in gel. “Just getting some salve for the burns,” she told them, going back to trying to reach her calf.

“Need a hand?” Poe asked, taking another step closer. Rey sat back.

“Sure,” she said, sliding the bowl towards him. Poe took off his gloves and shoved them in his pocket, sitting on the bed at her foot. He picked up the bowl and looked around her leg, spotting the wound, then took some gel and began to spread it on. Rey sighed and leaned against the pillows.

“It still hurt?” Poe asked, making sure the wound was completely covered. He was a lot more careful than she usually was.

“Yeah,” Rey answered honestly. She smiled at him, “But I’m a lot less of a baby about it than you would’ve been, so.”

Poe scoffed. “You know what, Rey?” He asked, lips twitching, “You’re totally right.”

Rey laughed, watching his own smile bloom on his face. He picked up a tissue from the nightstand and wiped his hands. Rey turned to inspect his handiwork.

“Well, Dameron, if piloting doesn’t work out, you could always be a nurse,” she told him. He smirked.

“ _Someone_ has got to patch you up when you go decide to save everyone again,” he said, sounding exasperated. She smiled.

And then she remembered what Rose said the day before. It made her sober up, feeling awkward. She picked at a loose thread on her shorts.

Poe didn’t seem to notice, because he was distracted himself. “I caught a mission,” he said, “I ship out in about an hour.”

“Another one?” Rey asked, taking in his coat and holster for the first time. He was dressed for a mission, just not one flown out of his X-Wing. “We just got back.”

“It’s a good sign,” he assured her. “Leia’s not letting us cower. We’re still bringing the fight to them.” He said, “All goes well, I should be back by tomorrow. Beebee can’t come with me, though. Keep an eye on him?”

“Of course,” Rey said, smiling down at Beebee, who was rolling around at the foot of the bed. “Good thing he’s not coming on your mission. He has his own to fulfill.”

Poe’s eyebrows climbed. His voice was high with surprise. “His own mission?”

Rey hummed, looking at Beebee, who was nodding. “It’s top secret, apparently. He won’t tell me anything about it.”

“Oh, really?” Poe said, something undistinguishable in his tone. But he was looking down on Beebee-Ate when she looked at him. “Must be important.”

The little droid beeped his assent.

Poe stood, “I should go. I’ll see you soon.”

“Good luck,” Rey said. Poe waved her off.

“ _I_ don’t need luck,” he said, making her roll her eyes. But she was smiling too.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

Leia wanted her to work on looking for Force signatures. They were strange things. There was no visual to them, though Rey had tried to articulate them that way several times, trying to assign shape to something that was shapeless. It was more of a feeling, like an instinct.

Though it was hard to settle into meditation in the medical ward, Leia wanted her to try. She’d asked it of her the last time she’d visited Rey in medical. Leia hadn’t told her why, but Rey got the feeling that Leia had sensed something and wanted to see if Rey sensed it too.

She searched for Leia’s Force signature first. It was the most familiar, the strongest on base. Leia’s was a mixture of fire and love, swirling power and ferocious protection.

(Rey sometimes wondered what her own signature was like, but she’d never turned back to look. The last time she’d looked into a Force-made mirror, she hadn’t liked what she’d seen.)

There were other signatures on base, like candles to Leia’s bonfire. One in particular was familiar for some reason, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Rey brushed by it – she would investigate later – because she was looking for something specific.

Luke’s Force signature was the exact opposite of Leia’s; if hers was chaos, his was serenity. If hers was the sun, his was the moon. Where Leia’s was hot, Luke’s was cool, collected. The relief of shade after a day in the desert.

Leia was an amazing teacher. It had nothing to do with that; she wanted to talk to Luke about his final showdown with Kylo. She wanted to know if he severed their bond, once and for all. She wanted to know if she was free of him.

She sensed something – something cool, a calming energy hovering over base. Rey reached for it, offering her hand to it. She felt a hand clasp her own, and a presence entered the room.

Rey opened her eyes, expecting Luke. So she was surprised when it was a woman instead. She was young, beautiful; her hair was curled and full of little white flowers. She wore a sweeping blue robe and a soft, sad smile.

“You’re Rey,” she said. Her voice was musical. “My name is Padme Amidala.”

Rey knew her name. She sat up, taking in every detail. She was glowing blue, wearing it like a crown.

“You’re the queen,” Rey said, watching her wonderingly. “The one the Empire had murdered at the start of their rise. You stood up to them.”

Padme’s smile went a little sharper, “Yes. I did.”

Rey remembered something else. Quietly, she said, “You’re Luke and Leia’s mom.”

Padme bowed her head, “I am.” She folded her hands in front of her, and something about the action was so strikingly _Leia_ that she leaned back, feeling a wave of sadness for the both of them. She remembered what Leia said: _I will always be angry about some things – about what happened to Padme Amidala, my biological mother._

Padme said, “Luke doesn’t want to be found right now.” Rey blinked, pulled from her thoughts, drawn back to the present. Padme continued, “He’s figuring some things out for himself. And he spent a lot of energy on his final stand – he’ll need some time before he can appear before you as I am now.”

Padme offered her a smile. “Have confidence in your abilities, Rey. You don’t need my son to tell you that.”

Rey gnawed her lip. “I wanted to ask him – “

“About Kylo Ren?” Padme finished for her. Padme nodded, “Your bond. That bond was moulded by a hand – not yours. But it is not the same as it was, I can sense that.”

Rey sighed, feeling the disappointment rush through her, even as she nodded. So that meant the bond wasn’t broken. She’d rather it broken entirely, not just changed. It meant he was still there. Still lurking at the edges of her skull.

“You choose what happens next with it, Rey,” Padme said.

“I don’t know how,” she admitted, shoulders slumped.

Padme looked at her like she wanted to sweep her up into a hug. Instead, she shook her head softly, “I can tell you what helped me. My dear friend Obi Wan saved my children. My handmaidens used my death to fuel the rebellion. My husband,” she smiled sadly, “He chose right, in the end, and he and our son saved each other. It’s the people around you, Rey, that will be able to help you. However you solve this – it won’t be alone.”

Rey watched her. She had a million questions – not one of them appropriate. But Padme continued before she could ask any of them.

“And when you encounter evil, just as I did, I can tell you what helped me, more than anything.”

Rey sat up, eager, “What?”

“I shot it in the face,” she said, tall and unapologetic. It made Rey grin.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

Rey spent the rest of the day in a daze, trying to decide if she should tell Leia about her conversation or not. So wrapped up in her thoughts, she forgot about Poe and his mission, and was surprised when the crew came back, victorious.

Normally, the celebrations wouldn’t bleed into the medical wing, but they did today. The mission was a supply run, in which the rebels were successful in stealing a shipment of blasters and ground canons, as well as bacta.

Rose was at the top of the list. As soon as they had moved the bacta into the ward, they came for her, wheeling her bed out of the room, one of the nurses warning that Rey was only a few people down in line.

When they did come for her, it was armed with a wheelchair and a stern glare that stifled any of her protests.

The bacta was... strange. They put her in a tub to submerge her to the waist, so both her legs were enveloped in the bacta. It was different from the patch, a more pronounced feeling of movement in her skin. It was like dozens of fuzzy little bees crawling all over her, but in a good way.

It was an immediate relief. She could feel the painful blisters calm, her skin soothed by the bacta. Rey shut her eyes and dipped her head back, focusing on the way the pain eased out of her. Scavenger Rey knew she was being spoiled. But she didn’t mind at all.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

The nurses finally let her go a day later, when her restless prowling finally annoyed them enough. Rey ignored their directions to take it easy and went for a run, gleefully sprinting through the trees, feeling the pull of her new, tight skin on her leg. The blaster wound healed completely, but the vibroblade slash left a good-sized scar. It didn’t particularly bother her; she had a lot of scars. She snorted to herself; at least it wasn’t across her _face._

Rey slowed to a jog twenty minutes in, breathing hard. She found herself in a clearing crowned by a massive tree; it must’ve been hundreds of years old. Rey slackened to a walk, approaching the tree. She reached forward and touched it with one hand, shut her eyes and let its energy flow through her.

It was the sun on her skin – warm and bright. She slotted her foot in one of the weaving bounds of the bark and reached up, lifting herself. She climbed, letting the warmth flow through her, eyes shut, letting her feelings guide her.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

Every day, the base got a little bigger, a little busier. Rebels trickled in from across the galaxy, fleeing persecution on their home planets, seeking revenge for lost loved ones, full of rage and hope in equal measure. In the rebellion, these rebels found a home. They found work to channel that energy into, to feel like they were _doing_ something. It was like the bacta on her wound; an ever-present, healing buzz all over her skin.

Soon a training center was built. Rey usually visited it early in the morning after her meditations, while everyone else was at breakfast. But today Rey was late, her meditation having run long with Leia, and when she arrived, there was already a crowd.

Very few of them were on equipment, however. The majority of the crowd was circled around the sparring mats, obscuring the center of attention from her view. Curious, Rey wandered around the perimeter of the crowd, finally finding a break. She slipped into it, stepping up to the edge of the mat.

It was Poe and one of his pilots, Jess, circling one another carefully in a circle. They were both bouncing on their toes, their fists raised in a mirror of one another. Jess struck out and Poe danced back, avoiding her neatly. He returned a clean kick, catching her in the leg when she blocked it, darting back.

It was very _tidy_. They fought like professional boxers; the ones Rey saw on holovids at the Niima Outpost sometimes. They were taught how to properly fight by the Resistance and the Navy; they were taught in an environment that had rules and boundaries and tap-outs that were always respected. It showed.

Rey learned how to fight out of necessity. She learned young how to twist her arm from Plutt’s grip, and that the groin and neck were the most sensitive spots of an attacker. She learned to bite and claw and dig her thumbs into eyes, and not stop until she saw blood. Rey learned that the first to flinch was the first to lose. There were no tap-outs where she was from.

On the mat, Jess was ducking Poe’s punch, but it was a fake out. He used his other hand to catch her, grabbing her hand and twisting it behind her. Rey inspected the move with interest, tilting her head. He would break her arm easily if he pressed the right way, Rey decided, and she decided that she approved. It was good form, if not the same snarling viciousness she preferred.

Jess tapped on Poe’s arm and he released her immediately, both dropping their professional focus in a second. Jess was smiling, hooking her arm around Poe’s neck playfully and rubbing her knuckles into his hair as they headed for their waters.

The crowd began to disperse, entertainment gone. Rey slipped through the crowd to the bench were Poe and Jess were sitting, gently teasing each other.

“It was a pity win,” Jess was telling him, shaking her head. “I’m just worried for you, Poe. You’re losing your touch in your old age.”

“Oh sure,” Poe replied, “That’s why I won best two of three.”

“You could’ve gotten out of the hold,” Rey said, the words coming from nowhere. “If you’d kicked him in the groin.”

Rey hadn’t meant to speak. She bit the inside of the cheek, feeling awkward for bursting in on their conversation. But Jess’ sudden barking laugh made Rey’s shoulders relax.

Jess jabbed Poe with her foot, half-kicking him in the calf. “See? Told you. I was totally holding back. Didn’t want to damage your self esteem.”

“Please, you had no idea,” Poe said to Jess, but he was smiling at Rey.

“He’s in denial,” Jess told Rey very gravely, “He’s losing his speed. Can’t keep up with those in their prime.”

“I’m _two years_ older than you,” Poe said to Jess, turning faintly pink. He wasn’t looking at Rey, now, like the topic made him uncomfortable.

Jess hummed, “You make it seem like forty.”

“Alright, get _outta_ here,” Poe tried to kick Jess, but she had already leapt off the bench and was dancing out of his reach. Jess wiggled her fingers at Rey then sauntered off, almost skipping.

Rey liked Jessika Pava. Every interaction with her was a bit like a marathon, but Jess liked to tease Poe, and Poe was fun to see embarrassed. Rey remembered the way he’d played up his anger at being locked in the escape pod back on the Falcon; the way he’d hammed it up for the laughs of his crew, how she could tell he was doing so because of the way he bit his cheek to stop from smiling. He was a good captain and he was a good squadron leader.

“What’re you doing here,” Poe asked her, apparently looking for a change in topic. “Shouldn’t you be recovering still?”

She rolled her eyes, reaching for her pant leg. She was only barely able to shove the fabric up over her thigh, showing her pink, healed scar. “I was cleared days ago, thanks to the bacta.” She looked over at the mat, “I was actually hoping to find someone to spar.”

“I’ll do it,” Poe offered easily. Rey raised her eyebrows at him surprised.

“You sure?” She asked. Poe sighed.

“Look, I know I’m much older than you, but Jess – “

Rey sent him a look. “You’re what, seven years older than me? That’s nothing. Besides, you’re in good shape.” Poe blinked, then slowly smiled at the compliment. Rey shifted onto her other foot, not looking at him. That was an objective _fact_ , not – “I _mean_ – are you sure because I don’t fight like you.”

“How’s that?”

Rey considered. Then she smiled and teased, “ _Politely_.”

Poe scoffed loudly, bouncing to his feet. “I do not fight _politely_ ,” he said, striding onto the mat. But then he stopped in the middle and looked at her more seriously, “You’re sure you’re okay for this?”

Rey calmly toed off her boots, going barefoot like him. “You’re sure you aren’t just scared?”

“Oh, I’m definitely scared. I know you haven’t seen yourself fight, Rey, but it’s pretty impressive.” Rey felt her cheeks get warm again and focused on shoving her socks in her boots. “I’m very likely to get my ass kicked here.”

Rey laughed at that one, then stepped onto the mat. Bending her knees slightly, she said, “As long as you’re being realistic.”

By unspoken agreement, their match started. Each paced lightly on the mat, sizing the other up. As soon as Poe raised his fists, Rey pounced.

She ran at him, full tilt, and leapt, latching herself around the shoulder he turned to try and block her. Poe was immediately thrown off balance and Rey held on tightly, locking her feet across his chest and wrapping her elbow around his neck as he fell backwards. His head landed on her stomach, knocking the wind out of her a bit, but Rey didn’t let go, tightening the arm around his neck minutely.

Poe’s hand came up and tapped her elbow and she let go, dropping her legs off from around him and giving him the chance to stand. Rey watched from the floor, propped up on her elbows. When Poe turned to look at her, he was smiling.

“Alright,” he said, holding out his hand to her. Rey took it, letting him rock her back to her feet. But when she was upright, he didn’t let go immediately. He stepped into her space and said, quietly, “I can fight dirty too.”

Rey didn’t bother to tell him that that kind of hold was far from _dirty_ in her books, because she was interested to see how he defined it. She shifted from foot to foot as he stepped back, sizing her up.

He lunged first this time, swiping out and trying to grab her. Rey ducked away and threw herself at him with all her weight, like a battering ram. He was able to dodge her, but not the fist she darted out and hit his kidney with, making him grip the spot and dart away.

Poe was _good_. She’d known that, of course, from all the times she’d seen him on the mats. But he was usually doing his most impressive work in X-Wings, and Rey hadn’t really understood until just now what the bumps and ridges of his arms really meant, and what those curls that always flopped around his head looked like stuck in some sweat on his brow.

But that was – beside the point. They were _sparring_.

 _Get a grip_ , said a voice in Rey, who understood more of what was happening than she did, the same instinct making her strike out.

But Poe caught her arm and twisted it, just like he did with Jess before. This time, however, he twisted her into his body rather than away from it, preventing her from kicking him like she’d advised Jess. His chest rose and fell against hers; his mouth was almost pressed against her hair.

“Tap out,” he told her, right in her ear. His voice was different somehow. It made her want to step closer.

Instead, she wrapped her leg around his and _yanked_ , pushing into his chest at the same moment his foot lifted from the floor. He still had his arm around her, though, so they both went tumbling to the mat, landing on their sides.

His hand broke away from her wrist as they landed and she leapt, knocking him on his back and straddling his stomach, setting her forearm against his throat, her free hand grabbing his closest wrist and forcing it above his head.

Rey stared at down at him and was somehow flooded with questions. Why wasn’t he pushing back? When had his fingers reached to touch the hand she had on his wrist? When had she started breathing so hard? When had he? She rose and fell with each one of his breaths.

(Had his eyes always been this brown?)

His right hand was still free. He could shove her off at any moment.

“Tap out,” Rey said, somewhat breathlessly. Some of her hair was dangling down, brushing his cheek.

“I’m good, actually,” he replied, voice hoarse. It raked down her back. She almost shivered.

An alarm sounded overhead and Poe jerked beneath her, pressing up into her. She rolled off him in a moment, startled and blushing and embarrassed and something _else_ she wasn’t going to put a name to.

( _Turned on_ that voice inside her added helpfully).

Poe shoved himself to his feet, turning to offer her a hand, though the alarm was the one that meant the pilots should get to their X-Wings, _now_.

She took his hand and he helped her up again, staring at her. Then he began... shaking her hand?

“Well done,” he said, releasing her hand and half-sprinting out of the room. She thought she heard him swear in the hallway, but it could’ve been her imagination, making her hear something between the blare of the alarm.

(He said, “ _Well_ karking _done?!_ ”)

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

Rey hovered in the hangar, unsure of what to do with herself. She picked at the Falcon, not making any changes, just fiddling to fiddle.

But her mind wandered. She barely saw the wiring in front of her. Her head was in the sky, with Finn on Ajara, where he’d been sent to meet some recruits, and with Poe in his X-Wing. But at least she knew where Finn _was_ – they’d landed on the planet to do some vetting of new recruits, conducting interviews and confirming information from the gas giant rather than send them to the moon. Poe’s location and mission were a complete mystery to her – all she knew was that they were answering a distress call from a smaller base of rebels in another system. It was all Leia would give her when she asked.

Her focus wavered. She thought she could hear the sigh of an X-Wing shooting by, but of course, she couldn’t. It was just in her head.

She shut her eyes and shook her head. When she opened them, her vision was red-tinted, and she was looking out into the stars.

Her stomach dropped – no, no, no –

“Rey.”

 _It was in her head._ He _was in her head_.

The inside of his TIE smelled like sweat. The dark side of the Force rolled off him with a sour ache that reminded Rey of all the times she’d almost starved. It was like curling into herself and being too hungry to cry, too hungry to work. The desperation and the hate that came from that – it was the exact stench that rolled off Ren in his cockpit.

Her stomach dropped again, but not with the recognition. Instead, it was with the _whoosh_ of the fighter, dropping suddenly and soaring back up again.

“I don’t need this right now,” Ren said, like her presence was a nuisance. But Rey clenched her fist because she realized: this was the first time she’d ever seen where he was. He hadn’t appeared as a disembodied figure in the Falcon, sitting next to her on the floor. Instead, she was in his ship, watching whatever battle he was part of. The Resistance could use this. This curse could be _useful_.

Rey leaned forward and studied the viewport, staring at all the stars outside, trying to match them to a map, or spot a planet she recognized. Ren suddenly turned the ship, saying something that was easy to ignore with the scream of the fighter, hands tight over her knees and every hair on her neck standing upright.

And then an X-Wing darted past, cutting Ren off and nearly forcing him into a spin. Rey’s breath caught, but not because of the daring maneuver. The side of it was painted black.

Ren jerked at his controls, spinning his ship to chase after the X-Wing, rounding back on the battle raging. She watched X-Wings and TIEs fly after one another, red and green lighting up the black space, as larger rebel ships shot off into lightspeed. The X-Wings were covering their escape. But there weren’t enough of them.

Ren locked his sight onto an X-Wing, the same one that cut him off, and Rey felt sick when she spotted a white and orange head turn back and look at her.

She finally looked at Ren. He was wearing that stupid fucking mask, utterly calm, despite her Force-presence. She looked ahead, saw Ren setting his sights on the X-Wing, BeeBee’s head swinging back to the front.

She couldn’t touch him; she couldn’t hit him –

But she could hear him. He could hear her.

Rey did the only thing she could think of. She screamed, as loud and blood-curlingly as she could. Startling even herself at the volume. She blinked and was back on the Falcon, then blinked again and was restored to the TIE, where the red viewport was cracked and cracking, lines shooting through like lightning as warning lights burst through the interior and an alarm started. Ren swore, urging his fighter after the X-Wing.

Rey was abruptly returned to the Falcon, shaking and sick.

“No, no, no,” she said, blinking desperately, like it would bring her back. Finally, she shoved herself to her feet, nearly falling when her knees didn’t support her. But she pressed herself down into the earth and ran, straight to command. The door burst open at a glare, startling those on the other side.

“Preparing to jump!” She heard Poe’s voice over the comms, echoing through the room.

A beat, and then someone at a computer said, “All X-Wings have jumped. No casualties, General.”

Leia was at the center of it all, looking up at a holographic map of the system. Indeed, all the blue dots of the X Wings were gone, and only red TIEs remained.

Rey felt herself sag, shooting out a hand to drop on a nearby table. She stared hard at the map, ignoring Leia’s eyes.

“Hey,” Rose materialized beside her. Rey blinked at her, having forgotten she would be there. She was finally off crutches and back to work. Rey had forgotten that now, she was running communications for Leia herself. Rose put her hand over Rey’s on the table. “Let’s go sit down,” she said.

Rey cast one last look at the map before letting Rose tug her gently into the hall, the door sliding shut behind both of them.

And then it all – the panic, the terror at the Force bond, the fear at _all_ of it – caught up to her, and it became _anger_.

Overwhelmed with it, she turned to the empty hallway and shouted angrily, watching her anger surge out of her in a violent ripple, a garbage can down the hall bearing the brunt of it, denting hard like she’d punched it. The lid crashed down to the floor with a magnificent crash.

It drained out of her in an instant. Rey raised a hand and touched her head, ashamed and scared once again.

“I thought it was bad when men punched walls,” Rose said behind her. Rey looked back to see her with her arms folded, eyebrows raised, unimpressed.

Rey opened her mouth and then shut it again. “Look,” she said, fluttering a hand. She paused and said again, “Look.”

“You said that already,” Rose said. She moved to put her hands on her hips. Rey felt herself prickle.

“It’s not for no _reason_ ,” Rey said, gesturing to the garbage bin. “It’s – they rely on him too _much_.”

“Who’s him?” Rose asked, looking suspicious and almost knowing. Rey fluttered her hand again.

“Them, I mean. Black Squadron. They’re going to run the squad ragged. What if they’re driving them to exhaustion? He only just came back from that bacta mission – “

“A week ago,” Rose said. “Which is more of a break than most Resistance fighters are used to. _And_ , since we’re talking about _Poe_ , you should know he volunteered for that bacta mission.”

Rey paused. She looked at Rose, trying to decide if she should try to keep up the façade. “He what?”

“Volunteered,” now Rose looked _smug_. It made Rey want to turn on a heel and sprint in the other direction. “As soon as I told him about the bacta run they were going on, Poe _volunteered_. I wonder _why_.”

Rey clamped her mouth shut. She looked at Rose then the garbage can. She hurried to the can and set it upright and then said, “Don’t know. Gotta go.”

She ignored Rose’s now definitely _smug_ look, passing her without looking at her. She focused on walking and not _running_ back to the makeshift hangar. Rey hugged herself in the back, leaning on the wall of the temple, watching the sky.

Rey hated this feeling – this helplessness (this _waiting_ ). It was why, the second the X-Wings began to appear in the sky, she was bouncing on her feet, eyes peeled for one in particular. When Black One landed, she watched Poe push up the glass, dropping his helmet in the cockpit and jumping out on the wing, then jumping expertly off.

Rey didn’t wait for him to see her, sprinting at him full force, just like she did in the training room. This time she kept her feet on the ground and latched herself around his front, pressing her face into his neck.

She felt his _oof_ more than heard it, the breath knocked from his chest. But he recovered quickly. He laughed a little, chest shaking. His arms came around her automatically, hugging her back.

“What, were you worried about me?” He said, light and teasing. She felt the rumble of it on her cheek.

“He almost got you,” she half-whispered. She felt Poe stiffen a little.

He said, a little too soft to be honest, “Nowhere close.”

( _Poe_ volunteered _. I wonder why._ )

“Gods, you’re difficult,” she said into his flight suit, holding tight.

Poe’s arms grew minutely tighter around her. His head dipped to rest against hers. “Yeah,” he agreed easily.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

After that, Rey began to _notice_ things. Things that Rose also began to _notice_ her _noticing,_ which made Rey very, _very_ uncomfortable.

Poe put a gross amount of sugar in his caf. Poe wore a ring around his neck and didn’t seem to care if everyone knew ( _who did it belong to?_ ). Poe had very nice hands. Big hands. Probably good for... things. Working engine wires. That was it. Good for working on engines.

Unsure of what to do with this new information, she shoved it aside. Because you know what, having some kind of awakening about his – _hands_ and their usefulness on _engines_ – and almost witnessing his death all in one day? That was a lot to handle. She would deal with that one later.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

Most of Finn’s time became tied up with the new recruits, who turned out to be mostly defected Stormtroopers. Rebels were, understandably, a little hesitant around them. Rey herself was a little hesitant around them; how many like them had she shot down unthinkingly, seeing the helmet and assuming evil?

Being around them made it easier. They didn’t judge her; in fact, they judged themselves more than anyone on base. A lot of them were in the mindset of atonement; they wanted to make up for their complicity, despite the forced beginning they all shared, and were willing to work to do it.

Rey found Finn in the training room, watching over them. They were mingling in with a couple of the flight squadrons – Red and Cobalt – and despite the initial misgivings of the pilots, it looked like things were going well.

“Hey,” Rey said lowly, sitting next to Finn on the weight bench. She leaned against him in greeting as well, and Finn returned it, dipping his head against hers. “How’s it going?”

Finn nodded, watching them. “Not bad,” he said. “They’re still fighting too recklessly, but they’re improving.” He paused and said, “This place is good for them, though. It just... feels good.”

Rey nodded. She knew what he meant. Ajan Kloss had good energy; the Force moved smoothly through it. For a long, long time –

“People were happy here,” Finn said, almost finishing her thought for her. Rey looked over at him, wondering something, and not for the first time.

But she turned her attention back to the room, shutting her eyes. She could sense the movement of the people who had since passed. Children giggling and running. People meditating in the courtyards, gathering flowers from the surrounding forest. They had evacuated this place during the first Empire. They wanted to protect this holy place, to keep it a secret. How better than to abandon it, and leave it to the nature it came from?

When Rey opened her eyes again, she saw Black Squadron coming in from training. Poe was looking at her, but his eyes darted away when she saw him. They returned to her again, his hand raising in a wave. Rey waved him over, but he pointed to his squadron. She watched him follow them and start to give them directions, sending them to the mats. She watched the squadron start push ups together, watching Poe move up and down, up and down.

“Rose’s treatments are almost over, right?” Rey asked. When Finn replied, she felt his cheek move against her head.

“Yep,” he said, “One more. She’s excited to be back to work full time. She really likes being in Command.”

She thought of Rose as she’d seen her the day before, commanding a team of slicers and decoders as they searched for Rebel signals in space. Her knowledge in mechanics and maintenance had proved handy, lending a new, practical knowledge base to the academic-heavy department. Rose was so effortlessly charming; it was no wonder Finn was blown away by her.

“When are you going to ask her out?” Rey asked, sitting up to look at him. Finn smiled down at his knees.

“I was actually going to ask you about that,” Finn said, looking up at her again. “Can I borrow the Falcon?”

Rey snorted. “ _No_.”

“Ah, come on, Rey!” Finn said, “Just a little borrow. Just a little.”

“No _way_ – not even I could convince Chewie of that.”

“I won’t take it off the ground? We’ll stay on the ground,” Finn negotiated. Rey began to nod. “My idea was a picnic – and let her take a look at some of the mechanics of it?”

Rey considered it, tapping a finger on her chin. Then she smiled, “That sounds like a great idea, Finn. Of course. But _no_ joyrides.”

“Deal,” Finn said, holding out her hand. Rey shook it, smiling.

“Get some of that green juice,” Rey advised him, “She loves it. She drank a ton of it when we were in medical together.”

“Green juice. Got it,” Finn said, nodding. She watched his smile crack even wider. It warmed her, his enthusiasm. She was so, so glad he was happy.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

“Is there anything you’d like to discuss with me?”

Leia had saved her question for the end of their session, once they were settled in chairs with tea. After beginning meditation with Rey, Leia had gone about her usual routine of missions. Rey was good at recognizing the cadence of Kaydel’s voice; the lower, louder questions from her head of Intelligence (always starting with probing questions about Rey’s reliability); of course, Poe’s warm voice, quiet and a little gravelly in the morning.

But Poe wasn’t followed by the usual check-in with the night manager of communications. Instead, Leia’s presence approached her and joined her in meditation once again, leaving the room in a calm quiet.

When their time was up, Leia gestured to a chair beside her desk, moving to pour them some tea. Rey curled up in the chair, crossing her legs and taking the tea with a smile, wrapping her hands around it.

“Is there anything you’d like to discuss with me?”

Rey looked down into her teacup, watching the steam rise from its surface. She said, “I saw Kylo Ren again.”

Leia nodded, like she’d already known this. She held her cup on her saucer and said, “This is the only time since Crait?”

Rey thought of waking with a jolt, certain he’d been breathing over her. But once she’d woke a little bit, once she’d become a little more lucid, she was able to separate those moments from the times on Ahch-To and Crait. She couldn’t feel his presence in the same way; she couldn’t smell him, all old sweat and fear and anger. Those, she was growing more and more certain, were nightmares.

“No, I don’t believe so. There have been a few times when I _thought_ , but – they weren’t quite as _real_ as that.”

Leia watched Rey, her expression sad, even guilty. Rey felt her defences rise, wanting to tell her that she was in _no_ way responsible for what her son had become – it was his own hubris, his own refusal of the light. It was _not_ Leia’s fault –

“When did you see him?” Leia asked, “Could you explain the context?”

“It was during the mission when Black Squadron was sent to help that rebel cell,” Rey said, “I saw – I was in the Falcon, thinking about it. Poe was off on the mission and Finn was vetting those ex troopers. I was worried about them. And then I was just – in Ren’s TIE, with him. But it was different.”

“How so?”

Rey tried to put her finger on it. “I had never seen where Ren was before – it was always like he’d appeared wherever I was. And he didn’t reach for me in the same way he had before. At first, I thought that was because of the battle, that he was focused. But I think it he didn’t realize I was there like I was. He spoke to me, in general terms. Maybe he sensed me, but I don’t think he knew I was sitting there, with him.”

“And then what happened?”

She remembered looking out of Ren’s viewport and seeing Bee looking back on him, spinning his head and probably urging Poe to turn. Rey pressed her hands hard around the teacup, almost afraid she would shatter it.

“I saw him go after Poe and Beebee. He was about to shoot them down.” Leia pressed her lips together, looking away. Rey continued, “I screamed. It shattered the glass of Ren’s viewport and he lost his lock on Poe. Then our connection cut off.”

Leia was quiet for a moment, contemplating. Rey took a drink of her tea, too fast, and it scalded her throat.

Finally, Leia said, “I wonder...” She paused again, gathering her words, and said, “I think back on Crait, the situation you described to me, when you closed the door on him? I believe you severed the bond.”

“ _What_?”

“I think you must’ve. Otherwise he would’ve appeared since then. But the only time you see him is when you’re thinking about Poe – Poe, who happened to be in danger because of him at that moment.”

“Poe?” Rey felt herself go red just thinking of him, hoping against hope that Leia couldn’t sense it.

“You’re close,” Leia said, apparently choosing her words carefully. “What if, because of your _closeness_ ,” her tone became teasing and she let a brief smile touch her lips before she continued. Rey sunk back in her chair. “You accidentally sought out Poe’s signature. Every being in the universe has one. You could sense he was in danger, you sought out his signature, and you found him. You found the source of that danger. And then you eliminated it – with some kind of Force-enabled scream.”

Leia looked at her, now. She set her cup down and leaned forward, holding out her hand. Rey took it without hesitation, and Leia laid her other hand on top.

“You’re a very powerful Jedi, Rey. In just a few short weeks, you’ve understood something that had taken half of my life for me to comprehend.”

Rey looked into her eyes and asked, “What’s that?”

“You’ve learned to trust yourself. Trust your anger and your love in equal measure. And my best pilot owes you thanks for it.” Leia squeezed her, “ _I_ thank you, in any case. I know you don’t like thinking of yourself as a hero, Rey, but you, and all your friends – Finn and Rose and Poe and Beebee-Ate – you’re so powerful because you love so much. All that love is going to be the reason why we win.”

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

Rey always reached the mess at an odd time, after meditation and her morning workout, when only the latest risers were rushing through. Rey wasn’t a picky eater, however, so she didn’t mind taking the last little bits of everything, filling her plate high and going to sit far in the back.

She liked this part, too – the mess was always quiet at this hour. Rey loved having friends, of course she did. But had also spent over ten years on her own; she valued her time alone. She needed it to recharge, to be by herself for a little bit.

Rey began to eat but was interrupted by the appearance of one of the new recruits – a human man with blue hair, his clothes a little more dishevelled than the average rebel. Rey remembered him vaguely from the day before, when he’d been watching her in the gym. She remembered looking up at the weight bench to see him lounging against another machine. She’d thought it was rude, blocking the equipment like that.

“Hey,” he said, tilting his head at her. “I’m Naren.”

Rey chewed her food and considered him – he was new to the base, coming off a ship from the Mid Rim. There weren’t many others in the mess. Maybe he was looking for a friend.

She knew what that was like. Swallowing, she smiled and said, “I’m Rey.”

“I’ve heard of you,” he said. Rey smiled again, but internally, she cringed. She didn’t want to be whatever Rey he knew – if it was Hero Rey, Jedi Rey, Rey-Who-Watched-Han-Solo-Die, Rey-Who-Led-Luke-Skywalker-To-His-Death, Rey-Who-Could-Beat-Ren-Everywhere-Except-Where-It-Counted. She almost missed being nobody, when no one cared what her name was, let alone what she did.

“Where are you from, Naren?” She asked politely, trying to change the subject.

“Naboo,” he said, “Have you ever been?” Rey shook her head. “It’s beautiful. Maybe I can take you there sometime.”

Rey wanted to ask when – before or after they defeated the First Order? But she also wanted to be kind. She remembered what it was like to be new.

But the thing was – he kept going _on_. She mostly nodded and smiled, just trying to finish her breakfast. He wanted to know if she’d ever smelled a Naboo wildflower before? Did she want to hear about his daring escape from the First Order (it wasn’t really question, because he told her anyways)? Had she ever tried Corellian spiced wine? Would she like to?

Rey made a few statements about how she really needed to get on with her day, but Naren was either determined not to hear her, or genuinely couldn’t hear her over himself talking. She didn’t know which one was worse. Rey’s smile had completely disappeared, and she was staring blankly at him when she felt a touch on her shoulder.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Poe said, smiling and not looking sorry at all. He squeezed her shoulder, “The General needs to talk to you.”

Rey nearly leapt out of her chair, barely waving at Naren as she followed Poe. She took a couple of quick steps to fall in line beside him, “What does Leia want?”

“Oh? Nothing,” Poe said, shaking his head. “I was walking by and saw you. That looked painful.”

“ _Ugh_ ,” Rey said, starting to giggle, “It was so _bad_. He wouldn’t stop talking about himself – I was just trying to be nice! But he wouldn’t stop!”

“You should’ve just told him you have a boyfriend.”

Rey abruptly stopped laughing.

Poe said it so easily, so matter-of-factly that Rey nearly believed it herself. But she slowed, processing his words, and only hurried to catch up after they had. “What boyfriend?”

Poe didn’t look at her, keeping his eyes ahead. His ease faltered a little, however. “Finn.”

“Finn is _not_ my boyfriend,” Rey said, spitting it so vehemently that she almost felt bad for Finn. But now Poe was snapping to look at her, stopping entirely. He seemed to remember himself, though, and looked away from her again. Rey continued, also stopped beside him, “Finn’s – he’s my best friend. But that’s it.”

“Oh,” Poe said. “I saw you – back on the Falcon. I guess I thought – “ He cut himself off. He looked at her and away again.

She tried to pinpoint the time he was talking about. When, so soon after Crait, Finn had brought her to an escape pod to comfort her. When he’d walked in on them hugging and had stumbled out, apologizing. Rey shook her head. “Yeah. No. We’re not. Yeah.”

“Uh,” Poe said, “Yeah.”

They stood for a beat, Poe staring ahead and Rey staring just past his shoulder, at the crumbling, yellowish stone behind him.

“I should – “ He said, at the same time that she spoke.

“I’m supposed – “

They both stopped, looked at each other, and then away again. Poe said, “Black Squad’s waiting for me.”

“I’m supposed to help the quartermaster,” she said.

They finally looked at each other, making eye contact. They nodded at one another and walked in opposite directions. Rey’s heart was racing, for some reason.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

The Resistance’s first major victory since Crait came a week later, when a coordinated attack on Star Destroyer support stations cuts destroyers at the knees, leaving them vulnerable to the attack that followed minutes later, led by Cobalt and Black Squadrons and supported by none other than Rogue One.

There was a party, because of course there was a party. The Resistance was in desperate need for a victory, and the party immediately popped off at the news, well underway by the time the fighters of the hour had arrived.

The pilots were swarmed the moment they arrived, plied with booze with music already blasting.

 _BROOP_!

Rey grinned at Beebee flying towards her, twirling around her legs as he excitedly beeped about their heroics, highlighting his crucial role. She kneeled down as soon as he stopped in front of her, giving him an affectionate rub and laughing when he mimicked the sound of the Destroyers’ canons, aiming his optic sensor as if he was the canon itself.

_BROOM!_

Beebee mimicked the sound of the canon blowing, courtesy of his excellent aiming computers hooked into Black One, of course. He even rolled back for affect, whipping out his lighter and blowing the flame higher than she knew it could go.

“Woah, there, buddy, careful with that,” Poe appeared, flight suit shoved down to his waist. “There’s a lot of very flammable booze around here.”

[ _Don’t worry, Dad-Poe! I was telling Best-Friend Rey that I, Beebee-Ate, deserves DESIGNATION: hero and DESIGNATION: best agent in the Resistance_ ]

Poe smiled, shaking his head, “Well, as long as you’re not getting too big a head about it.”

[ _Beebee-Ate, DESIGNATION: hero, has the optimal body proportions!_ ]

Poe laughed, scratching the droid, who cooed at him, “Keep Rey company for me for a sec, buddy?” He flashed his eyes up at her, “I’m going to ditch the suit and get something to drink. You want something?”

Rey, who had been a little intimidated by the amount of booze, nodded. Poe would know how to navigate that much better than she would. He squeezed her elbow then passed her, heading for the bunks.

Beebee continued to chatter and Rey kneeled by him, listening to his play-by-play review of the events of their mission, complete with sound and special effects (he whipped out his lighter again, blowing the flame nearly a foot high, startling Rey backwards). Over his head, she could see Rose and Finn on the dance floor, dancing with their hands clasped. Rey smiled at them. She was glad the Falcon’s picnic lunch had gone well.

Poe returned soon, changed into civvies and holding two cups. He handed one over, “It’s not strong. We’re going to teach you how to drink the right way, Rey.”

“Thanks,” she said, taking a sip. It was sweet, but not too much so. There were berries floating inside, the same red ones she liked so much. “And congratulations,” she said, tipping her cup to him.

Poe shrugged, “Well, you know, I was mostly just assisting Bee.”

[ _That is true!_ ]

Rey laughed, watching the little droid spin around them again. When she looked up, Poe was watching her.

“Wanna dance?” He asked, tilting his head to the impromptu dance floor, which was really just the expanse of grass between the larger ships and the parked X-Wings. Music was blasting from the speakers they usually used for alarms; Rey suspected Rose had something to do with it.

Rey beamed and nodded, letting him set their cups down and pull her by the hand to the floor, where the crowd was bouncing and spinning to the upbeat music. Poe took her hands and swung them back and forth between them, squeezing her hands.

“Spin!” He shouted over the music, letting go of one hand to set it on her waist, guiding her to spin. She laughed as she did, tossing her head back.

When she returned forward, Poe took her hand again, drawing it towards his chest. He pulled her in, too, closer so she could hear him.

“My mom taught me how to dance,” he said, “You wanna learn?”

Rey replied, somewhat cheekily, “Isn’t that what we’re doing?”

Poe laughed, shaking his head, “No, properly I mean.” But Rey was already nodding.

“Just teasing,” she said, squeezing his hands.

Poe drew her in again, bringing one of her hands up to his shoulder. He set his on her hip, running a thumb over the bone. Then he explained the movement of their feet, counting it out with her while she stumbled into him and laughed.

“Aren’t Jedi supposed to be graceful?” He teased.

“I’m no Jedi,” she told him.

“Nah,” he said, quieter than his teasing, but he was close enough so she could still hear, “You’re better.”

They danced like that for hours, speeding up and slowing down with the music. Rey felt giddy – probably the effects of the alcohol she’d decided to try – and she couldn’t stop _smiling_. Her face hurt from it all that grinning, and her heart felt light, lighter than it had in ages.

But she didn’t have the stamina that others did. Soon the drink was making her sleepy, swaying a little too much on her feet.

“Alright,” Poe said finally, at the end of a song, “Time for bed.” She considered arguing just for the sake of it but decided against it. She _was_ ready for bed, and Poe didn’t let go of her hand when the song ended. It felt like a reward for not arguing.

They stumbled through the halls together, and Poe’s arm somehow ended up around her waist, helping her walk in a straight line, their other hands still tangled together. Rey couldn’t stop giggling, which was apparently hilarious, because Poe’s ribs kept shaking against hers.

Rey missed the lip of a stair and tripped, but Poe caught her easily, hauling her back up, “Woah there, Sunshine,” he said, laughter in his voice. Rey beamed at the endearment, liking it a whole lot.

Finally, they reached her room. Poe palmed open the door and helped her inside, starting towards the bed until she protested.

“No, the window! The window is _way_ better,” Rey said, pointing towards it. Spotting her bedroll there, Poe nodded, helping her there instead. He sat her down on the edge and pulled her shoes off, making her sigh loudly.

Poe chuckled, “Alright, let’s go. Bedtime.” He pushed her gently back against the bedroll. “Who knew Jedi were so bad at holding their liquor.”

“Hey!” Rey said, grinning and giggling behind the accusatory finger she pointed at Poe. “Not a Jedi, remember? You said I’m something _better_.” She slurred a little bit on the _something_ , but it made Poe nod all the same.

“Of course. I stand by that,” he said, very seriously, but still smiling. He pulled her blanket up over her stomach. “Now, get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Sure thing,” Rey said, pointing at him again. Poe took her hand and gently put it beside her, squeezing it once.

“Sweet dreams, Sweetheart.”

Rey hummed. “Mmm, g’night.”

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

Rey _did not_ wake up with a hangover, despite whatever teasing Finn and Rose had ready for her for breakfast. Apparently, she’d indulged a little more than them, but she wasn’t embarrassed. She had fun and she remembered every stunning detail.

(Rey did not wake up with a hangover. She _actually_ woke up to a cup of water beside her bed, and her boots lined up very neatly by the door.)

She had a few meetings scheduled, briefings for upcoming missions. Rey was a little late, sneaking in with Finn in the back. Command was busier than she’d expected, but they still found spots near the front, where she could look and see the huge holographic map and Leia, speaking at the center of it all.

Behind her, Poe was leaned back against the wall. When she spotted him, he was chewing his bottom lip. Rey watched the plush red get pressed down by his white teeth. She wondered what it felt like.

Poe caught her eye and she watched as he slowly released his lip, letting it glide out between his teeth. Unconsciously, she darted her tongue out to lick her own lips.

“ _Dameron_.”

They both started, Leia looking at him with her back to Rey. Beside Poe, Jess elbowed him, snorting. Poe stood straight and stared at the map and then started an explanation a beat too late, glancing to look at Rey one last time.

Leia turned, looking for something. When she saw Rey, she started to smile.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

Rey found herself with a rare few hours to herself, so she snuck back to the Falcon and fished out the Jedi texts she stole from Luke. She remembered taking them, half-vindictive, half-triumphant.

 _Unlike you_ , she’d thought, _I’m actually going to_ use _these._

She smiled at herself, looking back on that defiance fondly. She knew it annoyed the hells of out Luke at times, but she liked that streak about her. After all, it was a large part of her survival.

It had been a while since she got a proper climb in, so she put the text into a bag and slung it across herself, choosing the sunny side of the temple. The sides of the temple were easy to climb, with a lot of natural breaks in the stone and burrows built and abandoned by countless animals. Rey lifted herself carefully up the wall, finding a narrow ledge she could sit on about twenty feet up and sitting back on it, pulling her leg up and setting the old book on her knee.

She took a moment to look out over the forest, where green spanned on and on and on. She thought of Han and the look he’d given her on Takodana; her heart clenched.

Inexplicably, she thought of Kylo Ren. He had parents who loved him; he had an uncle who taught him. He had so much, and he threw it all away for what? Insecurity? He could’ve had all this and more, but he chose his path. And Rey was choosing hers.

She opened the text and settled in to read, tracing her fingers over the characters. They were battered in places, but nowhere near as brutalized as the scraped, warped lettering on the metal of fallen ships that Rey had taught herself how to read on. Tracing her finger over words was a habit she picked up from that, learning the shape of the letters with her eyes as well as her hands. If they were raised enough, she could read with her eyes closed.

But these words were not, of course. The texts told stories of peace and that strange, distant love of the Jedi, detailed instances of negotiations both kind and violent. In a lot of ways, the texts were just diaries, lessons told in stories that one had to glean for themselves. She liked them a lot. Of course, the lessons were valuable, but it was more than that. So many Jedi had been found and plucked from home, if they had one. Rey liked best the stories about the Jedi who came from nothing, who were lost or abandoned and found to serve this greater purpose. She wondered if she was like that; if someone would be reading her story one day.

The sun had begun to sink by the time Rey was interrupted, blinking away the dryness of her eyes when voices rung out below her. She looked over the edge and saw a trio of girls, arms linked and giggling, all leaning on one another. Rey’s heart clenched with longing; it was an automatic response; one she was still combatting even though she _did_ have that too.

The girls collapsed under a nearby tree together, enjoying their evening off. They were giggling and chatting about something, their voices swirling up to Rey in her perch.

“Who would _you_ pick then?” One of the girls asked, tugging her friend’s hair in her lap. Rey recognized one of them; she met her in the hangar the other day and helped her find a piece for her speeder. She was on patrol, but her engine had died on her, and Rey had helped her replace the faulty part. Her name was Anya.

“Bastian, on Red Squadron,” Anya said, sighing. “Hands down. Have you seen his smile? He’s probably so _sweet_.”

The third girl chimed in, “Jessika Pava, that pilot?”

The other two girls groaned, like this was a familiar story.

“You make out with her _once_ ,” one of them started, the one who brought up Jess’ name kicking her lightly.

“ _You_ haven’t answered the question still,” she shot back, “Who would _you_ do?”

The girl thought for a moment before she spoke very deliberately, “Poe Dameron.”

Rey nearly dropped her book.

It was awkward to hear her friends talked about like that. But when Poe’s name was dropped, she felt her whole body get hot. Before she could inspect that thought, another girl continued.

“Ugh, did you see him in debrief yesterday? His hair all messy and his sleeve pushed up to his elbows like that? _Ugh_.”

But the third girl, the same one who liked Jessika, snorted. “Like he’d ever look at either of you. He only has eyes for the Jedi.”

Rey froze again, clutching the book to her chest. She should just climb up the temple, go away. She probably shouldn’t listen to this conversation. She stayed completely still.

“Rey? She’s really nice, you know. Spent like, half an hour helping me fix my engine for patrol. Newsom would’ve had my head if she hadn’t helped me.” Rey felt flattered and somehow embarrassed about being remembered, smiling a little, happy to be helpful.

“Did you see them in the training room the other day?” The one with the crush on Jessika said, “She could punch him in the face, and he’d probably thank her.”

“No, I missed it. I was actually _doing_ our assignment?”

“Well, you missed a show. He was on the treadmill, right? And she went on the one next to him. They were like, racing, trying to go faster than the other, and Poe totally overextended himself and went flying.”

“Oh, I saw that! He was on the floor.”

Rey hadn’t seen it, but she’d heard it – heard the smack of Poe hitting the ground and turned to see him crumpled up on the floor, holding the back of his head with a grimace. She’d jumped off and kneeled in front of him. Poe let her check the back of his head with a rueful smile, and she’d found a bump under all those unruly curls, somehow able to keep her focus on her worry rather than the feeling of those curls tangling up in her fingers.

“Couldn’t have been that bad,” one of the girls below her said. “Rey got him ice, sat next to him, and fussed over him. He looked just fine.”

Rey blushed, thinking of it. Had they really been that obvious? They’d eventually backed to sit up against the wall, Rey watching his pupils for any warning dilation, but instead getting caught on the scruff on his jaw and the crinkle beside his eyes whenever he smiled.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” The girl who mentioned Poe’s name initially. “Gods, they’re probably perfect for each other. They’re both gorgeous and like, _war heroes_.”

“Aw, don’t get too down,” one of the girls said, “What about Kaydel? She’s pretty hot, and she’s got that quiet sense of humor? You should go talk to her.”

The girls trailed off into a conversation about Kaydel’s emotional availability, but Rey tuned them out. She was thinking about the training room and Poe’s hands on her wrists and the laughter in his voice as he tried to convince her that he was _fine_.

She couldn’t stop thinking about the way he’d looked at her. His smile was like sunshine. He was always smiling at her like that.

Carefully, she slipped down from her perch, slipping unnoticed into the temple, taking the shortcut through to reach the hangar.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

She was lucky Poe was predictable. He was picking at his X-Wing, Beebee whirling helpfully around his feet. The little droid saw her before Poe did, zooming to circle her feet.

“Hey, Bee,” she said warmly, kneeling and adjusting his antennae. Beebee detailed the maintenance they were completing on Black One, listing specs and parts in such a rapid-fire, enthusiastic way that she had to smile. When he finished, and Rey had asked all the appropriate questions, she said, “Do you mind if I borrow Poe for a minute?”

_Breep-BROOP!_

“Of course, I would ask you if I needed something,” she reassured him, his trembling chassis cuddling up to her hands, “I just need to speak to Poe specifically for a minute. You know, I know Artoo was looking for you earlier, anyways.”

Beebee quivered, and Rey knew she’d done the trick. Bee saw Artoo as his mentor and would go to him immediately. Bee made his decision; beeping a happy farewell, he zipped out of her grasp, veering towards command, where Artoo spent much of his time at Leia’s side. Rey smiled after him, still kneeling on the floor.

She felt eyes on her and turned to look at Poe, smiling down at her. He was wearing civvies, high-waisted olive pants and a white long sleeve with his collar open. He held out his hand to her, and she took it, letting him tug her up.

“Wanna talk?” She asked, tilting her head towards the Falcon. At Poe’s look, she said, “Take a break. Come sit with me for a bit?”

He was still holding her hand. He squeezed it, bringing up his other hand to hold it too, “Lead the way.”

Rey brought him to the Falcon, because she figured, if it went badly, she could get off planet as quickly as possible. Not that any part of her thought it _would_ go badly – but she still had a tremble in her heart that warned her that she would be left behind, _always_ , no matter what. It wasn’t always easy to quiet.

She let go of him once she was in the ship, leaning back against the wall with her hands pinned behind her. Rey wanted to squirm but forced herself to stay still, looking at the wall of the Falcon over Poe’s shoulder because, though she’d resolved to finally _do_ this, she still couldn’t quite look at him.

“I’m...” She started, then trailed off. No. That wasn’t the way to go.

“It’s not about the Falcon, right?” Poe asked lowly, getting her attention. His face was grave. “Because I swear, that joy ride was _all_ Beebee’s idea. I can’t be blamed.”

Rey blinked. Joy ride? What joy ride?

But then Poe was starting to slowly smile, and she got the joke. She laughed, feeling herself loosen, just as he’d probably hoped. It was why she was smiling, looser with relief that this was _Poe_ , one of her best friends – she could tell him anything. It was why she was smiling when she said, “I really like you, Poe.”

Now Poe was all-out smiling, giving her that dazzling look that made her knees a little weak. He always looked at her like that – like she was home on the horizon as he flew in. “I really like you too, Rey,” he said, making her feel fluttery and a little off balance, but in a good way. Like hitting weightlessness in space, for those tight seconds during a chase.

“No,” Rey said, shaking her head a little and still smiling, “What I _mean_ – I would like to kiss you. Can I please kiss you?”

Judging by the way Poe leaned back against the wall, eyes widening but still smiling, she hadn’t completely scared him. Just startled. Rey watched his breath escape him in a whoosh as she stood from the wall across from him, taking a tiny step forward. He didn’t stop her, so she took another.

“I think,” Poe said, opening his hands to be on either side of him, smiling at her, “That you are the most brave, incredible person, Rey.”

She stopped where she was, self-doubt catching up. Rocking a little in place, she said, “I need a yes or no.”

[She’d never _done_ this before – kissed someone. But she wasn’t naïve, and her inexperience didn’t make her any _lesser_. She’d thought about this and she’d wanted this. It was just the first time she’d had anyone specific to want to do it with.]

“That’s a firm yes, Rey,” Poe said, standing and meeting her in the middle, cradling her face like she was something precious. “Never going to be anything else.”

And then he leaned in, slowly, like he sensed her nagging insecurities. Then he was kissing her.

It was the first time she held a lightsaber, the first time she piloted a ship. It was like landing on Ajan Kloss after days of stale air in the Falcon. It was like coming home.

Then Poe was backing himself up carefully, holding Rey to him, so he was leaned back against the wall again and she felt she could lean against him, making a little groan come out of him that Rey felt all the way to her toes.

And then Rey, who was inexperienced but not _naïve_ , carefully swiped her tongue across his lips. He opened for her and now it was _her_ making that little noise, while Poe’s arms slid around her waist, holding her tightly against him.

When they broke away, they were both breathing hard. Rey liked the way his chest rose and fell against hers, liked the pressure of his warm, solid build.

“I’ve had this exact fantasy,” Poe confessed, making her laugh again, but breathlessly.

“Kissing in the Falcon?” Rey asked. Poe’s hands slid down a little, his fingers just brushing the top of her ass, and she almost sighed again.

“Kissing _you_ ,” Poe said, leaning in to press a quick peck to her mouth, like he was determined that, now that he could, he’d do it as much as possible. “In the Falcon. Or in Black One. I mean, I’ve thought about kissing you just about everywhere, but ships definitely top that list.”

Rey laughed again – what a _dork_ – and then she settled even closer, dropping her forehead carefully against his. “I’ve thought about kissing you everywhere, too,” she admitted, making his eyes light up. “But I wasn’t thinking about location.”

Poe let out a half-laugh, half-groan, moving to kiss her again. He was a little more aggressive this time, pressing harder into her, and she loved the way his fingers crept into her hair, the way his mouth pressed firmly against her mouth.

Rey broke the kiss, feeling breathless and a little overwhelmed. Poe kissed her cheek, sweetly, making her smile. She burrowed her way into the junction of his neck and his shoulder, smiling hard against him. Poe hugged her tight, pressing his mouth into the shell of her ear.

“Gods, Rey,” he said, quietly, “You’re perfect.”

Her mind flashed back to when she was in medical and he came to check on her. The way he’d taken care of her, carefully tending to her wound with a tenderness she had very little experience with. It made her melt against him a little, holding tighter.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

Rey emerged from her room the next morning to find Poe waiting in the hall for her, his arms crossed as he watched the floor. When she opened the door, his eyes jumped up, and he smiled sheepishly.

“Good morning,” he said, stepping forward. “Can I kiss you?”

Rey smiled and nodded, stepping to meet him in the middle, kissing him. Poe clearly meant to kiss her quickly, but Rey curled her fingers into his shirt and held him close, using her tongue, like she had the day before.

Poe’s arms circled her waist and stayed there when he pulled back to say, “Good morning.”

Rey laughed, “You already said that?”

“Huh,” Poe said, reaching up to curl some of her hair behind her ear. “I forgot.” He smiled, his thumb gliding up her stomach from her hip. “Can I walk you to Leia’s?”

She nodded and they pulled apart, moving down the hall. They’d talked for a long time yesterday and decided that, while they weren’t planning on keeping it secret or lying, they didn’t want to advertise anything. Rey felt like she already had a lot of eyes on her; she didn’t think she could handle more.

Feeling bold due to the earlier hour, however, she brushed her hand against Poe’s, wanting to touch him. Poe caught her fingers in his and laced them together, smiling at her.

///\\\\\  
\\\\\///

Things didn’t actually change that much in the following weeks. The war went on; they continued risking their lives and fighting for justice. They also got more knowing looks from Leia, when Poe began to find more and more excuses to hang around while Rey was training, but that made Rey feel more loved than embarrassed. Rose cheered when they told her and Finn, and Finn put his arms around both of them, kissing them both in their hair.

Rey hadn’t realized that her happiness would make so many other people happy. It was one of those consequences of having friends that Rey hadn’t fully expected but completely welcomed.

Rey had figured Black Squadron would catch on pretty quickly, and they probably did. But they didn’t say anything to her, aside from the occasional teasing comment or look. But Rey knew they did because of the flood of invitations she suddenly got from Black Squadron, who all seemed determined to get to know her better for their Captain. Rey was glad. It made her happy that so many people were invested in Poe’s happiness, too.

They finally had to stop outright hiding their relationship about a month in, however. Leia was called off planet for a couple days, travelling with Lando to make a deal with a supplier, so Leia told Rey to meditate in her room instead. Somewhat mischievously, Rey invited Poe to her quarters for the night – she wasn’t _disobeying_ her orders. She would still meditate in her own room. Just... she wouldn’t be alone.

When she woke, Poe was curled behind her. She could tell he was already awake by the way he was trailing slow kisses from her neck to her shoulder, pausing to linger on a bruise she’d gotten in training the day before. Rey sighed, pressing back into him a little more and Poe mumbled against her skin, “Morning, sweetheart.”

Rey pulled away and turned over to kiss him properly. Poe had recently introduced her to the benefits of kissing like this, in bed, and Rey was eager to explore all the possibilities it opened up. She tugged at his hip and he rolled over her, holding himself up on his hands but letting enough of his weight to fall on Rey that she could feel him pressing against her.

Poe slowed the kiss to a point of pulling away, dropping a couple of brief kisses on her mouth. Rey opened her eyes and looked at him, still positioned over her. She couldn’t help the giddy smile that worked over her mouth, “Morning, Poe.”

Poe leaned in to kiss her again, but it was harder this time, because they were both smiling and started laughing into each others’ mouths, laughing at nothing but each other, and their own happiness.

A knock at the door had them breaking apart again. Poe sat up and grabbed his pants from the floor, pulling them on over his boxer briefs while Rey pulled the covers up and over her chest, since she was only wearing one of his shirts and underwear.

“Morning, lovebirds,” Jess’ loud, bored voice said. “Knew I’d find you here,” she said to Poe. “Hello, _Rey,”_ her eyes darted over to Rey, who felt herself go bright pink, sinking back in the bed. Jess almost smiled. She shoved something into Poe’s arms, then turned back to him. “Take the morning, Captain. We can handle drills without you.”

Then Jess looked at Rey and winked before turning, swanning off to get into some trouble or other. Poe let the door slide shut behind him and turned to Rey.

When Poe turned, he was smiling a little sheepishly, “Sorry.” Poe walked to the bed and sat, setting the tray Jess had given her down. It was full of breakfast – the best of the lot, which you always had to rise early to get. “Jess is – she’s just like that. I’ll tell her to buzz off.”

“Don’t,” Rey said, smiling. “I don’t mind.”

Poe reached forward and curled her hair back. “They’re nosy,” he said, “My squad. But they’re family. And so are you, Rey. You’re my family too.”

She watched him for a minute, Poe who was so kind and sweet and unabashed about his feelings – who was patient with her, and so respectful and understanding. Just watching him sit there and smile... she had a really good feeling about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be the cheesiest thing I've ever written.
> 
> Please leave kudos and/ or comments if you liked!!! Feed my fragile, inflated ego.
> 
> Questions? Concerns? Thoughts? Hopes? Dreams? I'm on [tumblr](clytemnestrad.tumblr.com)!


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